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[Trashed] CatKitty721's Application! - Printable Version

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[Trashed] CatKitty721's Application! - Khaleesi - 27-05-2014

In Game Name [IGN]: CatKitty721

Why do you want to join?
I want to join because I love the midages time. I think this server isn't one of those other RP servers that just slack off and don't take things seriously. This server has a whitelist method and I know they only accept people who can actually take RP Serious!

Do you have any RP'ing experience?
Yes, I've role played in school for plays. I RP'ed in minecraft for several months, 4 to be exact.

Tell us a bit about yourself:
My names Callie, I've been playing minecraft since 2011. But, that time I didn't know anything about Roleplaying. My personality, Isn't a princess. I love being a rebel. A girl who knows how to fight.

Your character Biography
Name: Khaleesi
Age: 20
Height: 5'6
Hair color: Brown
Eye Color: blue
Race: Human
Khaleesi is a type of person who's strong. She keeps her tears back. She's a person who's silent. All her childhood She's learn to keep silent. The suffering gave her strength. She has her only companion, Nymeria, a wolf. Khaleesi's only loud and joyful when no ones near her. She remains a dust if someone sees her.

BACKSTORY

My name’s Alanni. Through my childhood, my family and I lived in a small farm. We lived not far from the village, but it was peaceful. It was a perfect spot. A lake up north and a forest next to our houses. The purges haven’t reached our area. It was a small place. I had no siblings, my family and I we’re basically happy.We didn’t have much, but we didn’t complain. I played out on the tulip fields with Nymeria, my pet dog. Father found Nymeria in the woods when she was a little baby dog, Every since then, Nymeria has been quite loyal, she harmed no body. We would either go fishing or help Father gather the sheep. Mother would plant carrots or wheat. One day, Mother's sister came by. I knew she was coming by, she sent the mail from the village, where she lives. she traveled 1 week to get to us. I gave her a big hug. Through the day Mother's sister talked with Father and Mother. After that, it got dark. Mother's sister left early. She said her goodbyes and went. I was confused. I thought she would stay for a week. [/color]After, we say her leave. Everyone did their daily routines. I played outside. Like usual, it got dark. I went in my house and over heard my parents talk. “The Civil wars happening! Luke? What do we do?” I heard my Mother say. “It’s going to be fine, Mary” I listened a bit more before I went up to my room. “What about Alanni We have to leave!” I knew what War meant. Fear rushed in me. “We’ll leave tomorrow night” I heard my Father say. “Alanni?” I looked at them. There stood Mother and Father staring at me. I ran up stairs knowing they would come up. I sat on the bed with Nymeria on my side. “Alanni, please tell me you didn’t hear anything!” Mother said. I shocked my head. “We’ll be fine, We’re leaving tonight.” Mother said as she brushed my hair between her fingers. “Are you sure?” I said. I looked up. I knew my Mother was hurt and scared inside. She Kissed my forehead and nodded. “yes, now go to bed.” She turned around and slowly walked. I knew she was crying. She was to afraid to show me.

My Father packed his farm materials. Today, Mother said I wasn’t allowed to leave the house. I helped Mother pack food and fabric. “Go pack your clothes Alanni” I ran upstairs with Nymeria behind me. I looked through my chest. 5 dresses, 2 shoes, notebook, and chalk. I packed it in a feather bag. I ran downstairs, carrying the bag on my left hand. It took us about hours to pack. Before we knew it, it was getting dark. We brought our bags outside. “Luke, did you send the message?” Mother said. “Of course, Mary we’ll be alright. He agreed” Mother sighed with relief. We waited for Father to saddle up the horses. Father packed up the bags on one horse. He carried me up on one horse. Mother walked with Father. Father was holding the lasso for my horse. It took us 3 weeks to reach the village.

Through our trip, I walked with my Father most times. I made my Mother ride the horse. I ran around with Nymeria, always turning my back, making sure my Father and Mother we’re there. Then I would play with the flowers. Later, at nights we would eat the food my Mother packed. It wasn’t much but, like I said. We didn’t complain. We reached the village. It was my first time being with many people. My Mother said I was born in a village. He told me about the plan. "Is that you, Luke?" A old man said."Father Favian!" Father Favian was the priest who gave Mother and Father Matrimony. That's how they met. “It’s good to see you Mary and wow is this Alanni!” He kissed my forehead. After, all the greets. He brought us to his house. In my mind, I thought of what Father said. "Father Favian's going to help us get to the ships. We'll sail off to the forbidden lands. No war.That's why we moved. To be in a safer place."

We lived in Father Favian’s house for months, it was because the boats we're all booked and we had to wait. The trip to Forbidden Lands wasn't that close by.. He had a proper guest room for us. Mother said I couldn’t go outside, not without Father coming along. Most of my times, I stayed home. Father Favian, let Nymeria in the house. I knew he disliked dogs. I read Tall Tales that Father provided me. I drew on my notebook I brought along. After months, My Father said we were leaving. We packed our stuffs. I didn’t have much. Father Favian, came along with us. After packing, we had one last dinner. Most of Father Favian’s items on shelves have been packed. We ate chicken soup. Mother made it. In the morning, I woke up. Mother and Father we’re making some plans. They we’re talking in their room. Father Favian and I walked outside to get water. Finally fresh air! I carried the bucket as Father talked. “Child, I see danger, its coming towards us.” He said. At first, he’s face was serious. “Your Mother and Father will be gone. You will have to travel on your own.“ He took out something from he’s side pocket. It was a sack. He placed it on my hand as he squeezed it tight. “Travel to the next village, my child. Fiesto, he will teach you. He will train you. You must leave this pla -" I heard a loud crash, we both turned around and saw smoke coming out from every house. Men with iron armour coming towards the area. Mother.. Father.. Father Favian ran, I tried following along. He shock he’s head. I couldn’t hear him, I knew he was saying no. Nymeria ran towards the path up the forest. “Nymeria!” I ran after her. I turned my back. Father Favian was gone. I heard loud crashes, my ears were ringing. I ran after Nymeria, she was running really fast. I couldn’t stop her, not with fear in me. I stopped. I couldn’t go back. The war has already happened.

Nymeria stopped and looked back at me. He licked my cheeks. I stood up with every strength. I turned around, we we’re far from the village. Nymeria walked by my side making sure I followed her. On my hands still held the sack Father Favian gave me. The sack held 50 golden coins, a tiny note, and a coin bigger than the rest. It was Spanish. I took out the note and read it. Ship to forbidden Island. Meet Fiesto at 546. I didn’t know what that meant. I put the items in the sack and placed it in my pocket. With a sigh, I rubbed nymeria’s head. “Nymeria, what do we do now?” I said frowning. She looked up at me. Walking a bit forward she turned around to see if I was following. I counted the days I’ve walked. Nymeria hunted down rabbits. I had a little knowledge on survival because of the book I read back then. I tried to remember the steps to cooking a Rabbit. 1. Peel the rabbit’s skin 2. Build a carrier 3. Stab a stick in the rabbit’s skin. 4. Cook it. Nymeria ate half and so did I. In my knowledge, it has been 1 month and 2 weeks. I grew tired, but Nymeria kept me going.

Nymeria and I walked a bit further. It was the late afternoon. We we’re dreading with sweat, or I was. Up ahead I spotted a village. I grinned. With all the effort, I ran up ahead. I looked around. The village was small. I ran up to the stores. I grinned when I spotted a food shop. “Nymeria, stay here” I went inside. “Hello young fellow!” a man said from behind the counter. “Is there steak? Or water.” I said with my nicest voice. “yes, that would be 4 golden coins” I paid up and got my food. “Oh young lady!” I turned around. “are you traveling to the Forbidden Islands? Its only 20 golden coins!” I looked in my sack. “here” It took about 10minutes for the man to give me the ticket. I walked out a fed Nymeria some bread. We walked ahead to the labor. The men we’re calling out tickets for the forbidden island. I ran towards a man. “here!” I handed it to him. “thank you!” He ripped the ticket and gave it back. “Is that your dog?” he said with a wrinkle. “yes..” “well make sure to keep it under control” We rode the ship and we were sailed. It has been 2 months since the trip. The captain said we were landing in 2 hours. Through my journey, I laid on the bed. I reread the note Father Favian gave me. We ate fishes the workers fished. My trip wasn’t really great. I saw some people throw up.

It was past 2 hours. I heard the ship dock. I packed my items and got up my bed. I climbed outside with a bunch of other people. We had landed. I walked out the ship as the men escorted us. Nymeria wagged her tail as she ran out of the ship. I knew she hated the ship ride.

I walked out the ship slowly. Looking around the area, I took out the note. I read a few times. Taking out the big golden coin, I held it against my palms. Nymeria and I walked for abit. I studied the land and villages. We bought bread from nearby. I looked around the village. The houses we’re all the same. I suddenly came across a house. Much different from the rest, I looked around and spotted a sign. Fiesto, 546. I jumped with excitement. Before I knocked the door, I read the sign again. I ran up the stairs and I knocked. “Hello..?” I said. Nymeria looked up at me. “No one’s home, Nymeria” I said frowning. Before I turned around, the door flew open. “Hello?!” he said. He had a bit of an accent. “Who are you?” He said, making a face. “I’m Alanni” I said. “Oh, your that girl.” Everything was silent. He stared down at me like I was some sort of animal. “Well then! Come in! We must start soon!” he said. He went inside the house and I followed along. Nymeria and I looked around. The house was a bit messy. On each shelf was full of swords. “We train tomorrow. For now, it’s getting dark. There’s a bathtub on your left” After, a wash, I changed into the clothes that we’re placed on the bed. I lay on the bed. Nymeria laid next to me as she curled up.

“wake up!” I heard someone say. I woke up and rubbed my eyes. “Your training starts today, little one!” he said. He tossed something on my bed. “get dressed! You don’t need a dress.” I look at what he tossed me. A leather jean and a fabric shirt. I wasn’t used to wearing clothing like this. It took me awhile to get ready. “Come on little girl!” He said. I ran downstairs. “Here, you’ll need this.” He tossed me a bag. It was heavy. “We’re going hiking.” We walked outside and Nymeria followed along. For 30mins, we walked in the woods. “are we there yet!” I said patting. “almost little girl.” We walked abit further and there it was. He stopped. I looked around. The area was beautiful. It had a waterfall. “woah.” I saw him walk towards a little house. I ran along to catch up. Looking around a little more, I spotted a cattle of horses, there were targets on the other side. “Here is we’re you will train.” He handed me a sword. “hey!” I moved back. The sword almost killed me. “it’s a sword! Grab it, let’s see what you can do!” I picked up the sword. Before I could raise it up, it dropped right back down. “Little girl, you are weak!” He grabbed the sword from me and placed it down. “We will start with basics, run from there to here, 3 laps” I looked at where he pointed and frowned. “What? But, that’s to much!” I said “Run!” He said. I jogged my way to the spot. After a lap, I suddenly got tired. “Cmon little girl! You have two more laps!” After the 2 laps. I laid flat on the ground. “For tonight we sleep here.” He escorted me to the little house.

In the morning, I woke up. Fiesto was catching fishes near the lake. “Your awake little girl!” he said smiling. “Here’s food” He handed me a wooden plate with fried fish. “Thank you” I said. I finished the whole dish. “Now, you must run 3 laps again. This is how we start off every morning.” I moaned and got up. “Go!” He said. I jogged my way to the beginning. It felt like hours before I could finish it. After we we’re done. I rested for 10 minutes. “Get the sword” He handed me a wooden sword. “I will teach you the basic defense” He slashed the wooden sword on my stomach. “Ow!” I said as I fell to the ground. He gave me a hand and I stood up. “fight! Use your knowledge!” He ran the sword towards me, before he “me. “You need to learn to control your balance little girl!” He gave me a hand. For the whole day we started the routine of “defense” over again. Everyone mornings, I would run 3 laps up the mountain hills down to the house. I learned defense and combat. “Little girl, you we’ll learn archery.” He handed me a arrow. It looked carved. “Did you carve this?” I said. I felt the bumps of the wood. “yes, you aren’t ready to use a real bow.” He walked me to the targets. “see what you can do” He shot he’s arrows. It made three straight red targets in a row. “your turn.” My first bow went in the left direction, my second target landed on the ground, and my 3rd hit the target but right on the white line. “You do not have strength!” He held my arms up. “This is the correct position, try” I hit the target on the white area for all targets. “Remember the position, little girl.” He smirked and walked back home. I called out Nymeria to follow along. She jumped around the bushes and caught a mouse.

5 years past by. I practiced every morning. I ran 10 laps in the mornings and Fiesto watched. My archery got better. I did swordfights with fiesto. My body got stronger throught the years. Through my 5 years. I struggled in training. My body was weak. I had no muscles. I loved archery and swordfighting. One day, Fiesto and I sat together. “I remember you, you we’re so weak. But now! Little girl, your strong” he said with a smirk. I laughed, “Fiesto, Im not little anymore!” I said. “You know you must leave tomorrow. Fight for your rights!” Fiesto gave me a kiss on my forehead. “I’ll come back to visit every year. I promise” I said. “We can sleep at the village for tonight.” We stood up and headed back to our house. I packed up my things and we walked down the path through the dark night. Nymeria trotted down with us as she pawned on tiny animals.

I woke up the next morning. Fiesto wasn’t here. “Fiesto?!” I called out. I searched everywhere. I walked up the hills to search for him. But, he was nowhere to be found. I went inside the house. I found a little note. Dear, Alanni, your days with me has been wonderful. You we’re destined to fight. I cannot see you leave. But, through the trainings, you we’re like my child. Here lays, a gift. You must never lose them. – fiesto . I looked at the wrapped sword. It had a sword. I carried it up and it felt perfect. On the side, I saw a A. it had a beautiful letter. I smiled. Putting the note back in my pocket, I looked through other things. It was a arrow holder. It was colored dark green and it had the same letter A, The arrows were all iron tips. The side had A letters marked on it. The bow had an a carved on the side aswell. I took the items Fiesto gave me. I kept it as my treasure. The ship was leaving soon. Nymeria and I walked down the hill. We saw the labor. I got my ticket out and gave it to the man. As we rode the ship, I saw the Forbbiden Lands, slowly disappear. I had to start a quest. To get revenges to the people who killed my family.



Timeline
- Alanni Family moved out at age 10
- Lived in Favian's house at age 10-11
- Family died at age 11
- Sailed to Forbidden lands at age 11-12
- trained 12-17
- left Forbidden island at 17-18
- hunts- 19-20

Specify your character's skills:
>Combat- Competent
>Wilderness- Competent
>Stealth-Apprentice

Do your character's bring anything to the setting? (part from clothes)?
Fiesto gave her:
A sword, it has a "A" On the side to represent her name
A bow, A Arrow bag.
A diary. And A pet dog named nymeria

RE: CatKitty721's Application! - Hutchy - 27-05-2014

Hello, CatKitty. I'm Hutchy and I'll be helping you through whitelisting.
  • Your backstory needs more relation to the setting's lore, which can be found here. There needs to be some relation to the lore to help us see how and why this character fits into the setting. What impact did the Civil War have on her home, her family? Does her family bear a grudge because of the slavery? Please elaborate on this.
  • Your character’s backstory doesn't do a lot to explain personal growth over her life. The backstory needs to show more description of how her was as a child, how her was through adolescence and then into adulthood. It is necessary that we see how the character has changed over the years before arriving in the setting. Please work on this.
  • Additionally, the personality section could do with some fleshing out. This lets us know that you know the character. When you add further detail to the backstory, it can help you accomplish this. Additionally, you must include a personality section. This lets us know that you know the character. When you add further detail to the backstory, it can help you accomplish this.
  • Your character’s skills seem to be quite limited, and it’s current layout makes it difficult to understand the ‘level’ of her skills. I recommend that you read this guide and evaluate the layout of this section.
  • Finally, non-staff characters cannot be Lucins or Xitians, full or half. Please revise this.

That's all for now. Bump this thread when you have finished the necessary edits and we can continue.

RE: [Pending] CatKitty721's Application! - Khaleesi - 29-05-2014

Okay thank you!

RE: [Pending] CatKitty721's Application! - Hutchy - 31-05-2014

Alright, Kitty, next round.

First, we must ask that you change the name. We feel that what looks like a Game of Thrones reference would make it a little more difficult to take the character seriously during RP.
  • ‘I played with my wolf’ While wolves aren’t as vicious as they’re reputed to be, they’re still opportunistic carnivores… and a small, unsupervised child would be like ringing the dinner bell. You need to change this to some form of domesticated dog. If you can’t name one, just calling it a dog will satisfy this.
  • ‘Civil war was happening in the world. My family moved here to get away.’ We need more detail here, and in other areas of the story that will be described. Where did they move away from? Did they only move here to get away from the war or was there a more specific reason? Please elaborate.
  • ‘My mother's sister mailed her saying soldiers were heading their way.’ There’s a few problems here. First, it seems contradictory to the implied idea that their location is as remote as it’s made out to be. Second, for the same reason, if the soldiers are heading in her mother’s sister’s direction, why are they in a hurry to leave? Maybe of least concern, how did whoever is posting the letter deliver to this remote location? Please elaborate on these points.
  • ‘He said a man was looking for him and would help him.’ You haven’t described them having any contact with other people during their journey, which is the only way he could know this. Please elaborate.
  • ‘the lights were coming towards us, directly from the front.’ So if they know the soldiers are coming from the front, why would they keep riding toward them if they know the soldiers are there? Additionally, it’s dark and the soldiers are a while off, they aren’t surrounded for a while so couldn’t they change direction? Please elaborate.

That's all for this round, bump the thread when you're done with the edits and we can continue. As a favour for my poor ability to read walls of text on this screen, can you please colour your edits in yellow or another contrasting colour? Thanks.

RE: [Pending] CatKitty721's Application! - Khaleesi - 01-06-2014

Thank you! But i was planning on changing my biography again, ill just fix the errors!