[MelancholyFae]

Collage from '09. No current pictures yet.


I'd taken almost a half hour to write a post, to keep people updated. And the browser crashed before I could save it. I can't quite rewrite it now, so until then, there's a picture.
Will try to update later when I feel a bit better.

Edit: I'll also update this post as I go.

My main reason for posting this is .. well, okay, a few reasons. I actually have no desire whatsoever to talk about this to people as it is. I'm not doing well at handling this. I posted because, I know some friends know parts of the story, and some want to stay updated - and they're friends, so I owe them that much. But I don't want to have to say this more often than once, and I don't want to try and remember what details I've told to whom, and how much more I need to update them with. This can update everyone at once, without me actually discussing it.

~
(Thurs Oct 24) I'd taken her in for annual shots. While there, I'd mentioned that she was being a bit clingy - later realized she'd also not been eating her dry food. The vet found that she'd had an infected tooth/teeth, and a mass near the teeth as well as the infection, like a polyp or something he was unsure exactly at the time. She was given antibiotics for the infection, and an appointment the week after, to get the tooth/teeth pulled and to check on whatever else may be wrong.

(Wed Oct 30) Took her in; she'd been doing a bit better; we'd attributed her clingy to her being in pain with the infection. The antibiotics were working, so she wasn't as clingy as before.
Vet called before surgery and let us know, that the mass around the infected teeth had gotten bigger, and was concerned, so he was doing to do a biopsy as well as xray while she was under for the teeth pulling. Aggressive tumor, it seemed.
She came home that day with 3 less teeth in her lower right back jaw, and a bit spooked and disoriented and stuff. The vet told us he was going to send the biopsy out for results - back by Saturday, he'd hoped, and then those results as well as the xray would be sent to a dental-vet-specialist for more consultation.
After a few days, she was sorta back on track - wanting her dry food back, playing with her string, being vocal only when wanting attention, etc.

(Sat Nov 2) The vet had called back about the results from the biopsy, and it's confirmed cancer. Numbers were told to me, and things.. I didn't write anything down so I don't quite remember details. (Steve told me I probably should start, since this way he's as informed as I).
We don't know what we're going to do yet - right now it's one day at a time, and we still will need to hear from the specialist about options, and money, and other things, before we actually have things to decide and choose.
She's actually doing fine otherwise. But it's my turn to be clingy.

[MelancholyFae]

I'm terrible at keeping things updated.

I can explain some things, that happened. She had mostly good days; still stole our chairs, still climbed up on things (our desks, or whatnot), on rare occasions still wanted to get into the window to look outside. Some days weren't as good.

We had gone with the third route - just giving her pain meds, and letting her know we love her and whatnot. (Option one, was surgery; which probably would ahve been removing half her jaw, etc. Option two was chemo and pain meds; which we weren't keen on, and Steve knew moer about it than I, as his mom (and a few other relatives) had gone thru that for cancer, and to me, it would just have made her miserable and sick.

In middle of Nov, she had not eaten for a few days - and I'd taken her in. She was just partially dehydrated, but beside that, he gave us a few other types of meds (Tramadol) to help with the chronic pain. His bad news was he didn't expect her to live up to Christmas.

She did NOT like the Tramadol. It foamed in her mouth (1/4 of a tiny pill), and made her loopy. He had also recommended baby food. She was fine with that - stage 1 beef, ham, or chicken is really only just that, along with broth. It was also more edible for her - she never went back to the dry food, and chewing things was difficult for her.

We ended up buying things in 'every few days', her food, or whatnot. Some of the wet cat food she was okay with, but once she got taste of the baby food, we realized she wasn't eating the other stuff because too much liquid.

I ended up making Christmas cards, with her picture on them (took a week with a friend's camera, and about 18 pics), to send out this year to friends.



She'd made it to Christmas, and I had mixed feelings - happy, because she was still going strong, and sad because I knew she wouldn't stay. I had to puppysit/housesit for a week right after Christmas, and Steve got to stay with her. I'd come home to give her meds and hugs, but that was about it.

One day, Steve had come home, and panicked. She'd been bleeding, and it didn't seem to stop, so I drove over - in a blizzard - and we made emergency trip to vet. She'd stopped by then, and the vet couldn't really give us much more of ... news. It had just been one of her 'bad days'.

This week, was more that she'd pretty much stopped eating. She had tried, sometimes, but she couldn't really get it in her mouth anymore - the tumor had spread all inside her mouth (the vet said it even got into the bone, allowing possible bone fractures in her jaw if her mouth opened too hard, etc.) and her tongue was completely pushed out and to the side. She was also in pain, we knew, and she went into hiding, barely coming out, for those last few days.

I'd had to make that difficult decision, no one likes making. With Steve's help, we decided due to her hiding, and not eating, it was better to put her down now. So we had to take her in today, after I called the vet and made the appointment, and stuff.

It was my first time ever doing anything like this, and Steve was also pretty much a wreck. When we had gotten into the car to take her to the vet, this song ended up playing.


Doctor Brent was very sympathetic - heck, they all are. Going home, was still hard, of course. And we cried a lot. The song that came on the radio shortly after getting into the car without her:

This one, I had to switch channels.

~~~~~
We've ordered an urn for her. White cat sleeping in a basket, with a plaque. Steve, at first, wasn't able to even say anything about what to put on the plaque ("Words." had been his reply at first), but eventually, he thought of something, and that's what we used.


Obviously, it's going to be a very rough few weeks now, dealing with the memory that there isn't a white cat to watch us walk in the door after shopping, or one licking the bottom handle of the stove (I have NO idea), or mewing at us when we decide she needs hugs. I'm sure you all can understand if I end up suddenly not in the mood to roleplay, or talk. We knew it was coming, but that never actually lessens the hurt.

Circe's Pics - 2013