18-05-2014, 04:48 AM
(This post was last modified: 12-06-2014, 10:20 PM by SentaiPink.)
Thread Rating:
Hutchy
Lord-Oberleutnant Hutchenstein I, Protector of the Realm, Hater of Juvenile-Technicolour-Horses
Lord-Oberleutnant Hutchenstein I, Protector of the Realm, Hater of Juvenile-Technicolour-Horses
19-05-2014, 06:32 PM
Hello, Iteration. I'm Hutchy, and I'll be helping you through whitelisting.
Your backstory needs more relation to the setting's lore, which can be found here. There needs to be some relation to the lore to help us see how and why this to the setting. I'm unable to tell the character's age, but I assume he is old enough to include mention of the Dusk Portal re-opening, but beyond that what impact did the Civil War have on his home, his family? Does his family bear a grudge because of the slavery? Please elaborate on this.
Your character’s backstory doesn't do a lot to explain personal growth over his life. The backstory needs to show more description of how he was as a child, how he was through adolescence and then into adulthood. It is necessary that we see how the character has changed over the years before arriving in the setting. Please work on this.
Additionally, you must include a personality section. This lets us know that you know the character. When you add further detail to the backstory, it can help you accomplish this.
Your character’s skills seem to be quite limited, and it’s current layout makes it difficult to understand the ‘level’ of his skills and how they were trained, which should also be described in the backstory. I recommend that you read this guide and evaluate the layout of this section.
As the last point, the character's backstory must end with their arrival in the Forbidden Lands, where the RP setting is located. Please add this to the backstory in your next edit.
That's all for now. Bump the thread when you have made the necessary edits and we can continue.
Your backstory needs more relation to the setting's lore, which can be found here. There needs to be some relation to the lore to help us see how and why this to the setting. I'm unable to tell the character's age, but I assume he is old enough to include mention of the Dusk Portal re-opening, but beyond that what impact did the Civil War have on his home, his family? Does his family bear a grudge because of the slavery? Please elaborate on this.
Your character’s backstory doesn't do a lot to explain personal growth over his life. The backstory needs to show more description of how he was as a child, how he was through adolescence and then into adulthood. It is necessary that we see how the character has changed over the years before arriving in the setting. Please work on this.
Additionally, you must include a personality section. This lets us know that you know the character. When you add further detail to the backstory, it can help you accomplish this.
Your character’s skills seem to be quite limited, and it’s current layout makes it difficult to understand the ‘level’ of his skills and how they were trained, which should also be described in the backstory. I recommend that you read this guide and evaluate the layout of this section.
As the last point, the character's backstory must end with their arrival in the Forbidden Lands, where the RP setting is located. Please add this to the backstory in your next edit.
That's all for now. Bump the thread when you have made the necessary edits and we can continue.
SentaiPink
Flufflemackalacka Adorkable II, Queen of pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows.
Flufflemackalacka Adorkable II, Queen of pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows.
12-06-2014, 10:20 PM
Trashed due to inactivity. Please reapply.