[FireDog]

Hey Ryu. I'm taking a shot at grading this as the others are busy today. The edits did fix the things Michelle was on about, but I have some issues of my own.

1.

Eight broken ribs, five broken legs, thirteen broken fingers, and a shattered foot. Daulton had turned her rage on the other cadets. While the other teams of two held their punches, as they were instructed, she no longer did. By the time a someone realized that the cadet was going all out, there was already a blunt flail about to hit a part of their body. The cracking of bone, and the howling screams of 14 year old boys followed her as she single handedly took out the remaining teams. Her eyes were described as demonic, dead, and possessed by the other cadets to their instructors. They looked into the matter, but no one had seen who struck Sevvi, and no one would step forward. The instructors knew the two boys were friend, and turned Daultons actions into a lesson for the class, when you strike at someone, ensure that the ones that love them don’t carry weapons. “The Knife that turns in your back will be fueled by revenge.” As for Cadet Daulton, well, if the rest of the class wasn’t already intimidated, now they all would be. She would not be making any friends from this point on.

You say in this paragraph that Daulton attacks the others int eh group...Yet I find this a tad unrealistic. Your character attacks several other boys in groups, all out yes, but surely two against one would've won without so much injury. Your char pretty much seems to go hulk smash and defeats several others alone. Additionally, no punishment? One does not simply beat others training with him or her and get away free besides from making friends. I'd think your char would be in serious punishment for something like this.

2.

As for Cadet Daulton, well, if the rest of the class wasn’t already intimidated, now they all would be. She would not be making any friends from this point on.

Not surprisingly, their efforts were for naught. Gabi didn't understand being hit on, so it all flew right over her head. Some tried for weeks, even trying to befriend her first, but when the Daulton heir didn’t flirt back.. or even talk to them, most moved on to the other cadets. Gabi watched these women, and it disgusted her a bit. They weren’t trying to be friends, they weren’t trying to be nice, these women were nothing better than whores, trying to sink their teeth into up and coming men. She realized why women in Atarsis were treated as less than men. It was because these women were accepted, and common. Gabi had subconsciously separated herself from other women, and it would only get worse as the years of pretending to be a man went on. She made an effort to avoid them, and focused doubly down on her training. She was getting better at the physical side of the academy, and even better at the scholastic side.

Could you explain why these girls would hit on Daulton? Surely news of some mad kid attacking other cadets with weapons would've spread from those boys. Calling Daulton a mad man or the likes. I need an explanation.

Thanks for posting again. I'll need some input because I personally feel that these bits lack some plausibility without explanation. Thanks! And good luck!