[Hutchy]

Sorry for the wait, Xei. Anyway, I'm Hutchy and I'll help you through whitelisting.

• It appears that not much happens to the character or any of his direct relations, with most of the story, following their leave of their town, taking place around a few camp fires. This does not do well to describe the life of the character before coming to the setting. There needs to be some elaboration on this point to help the story describe how the character became who they are, and what they experienced before they came to the Forbidden Lands.

• Your character’s backstory does little to explain personal growth over his life. The backstory needs to show more description, how he was as a child, how he was through adolescence and then into adulthood.
  For example, we see that the Xitians ransacking their village had an effect, but we don’t know how he was before the event, therefore it is difficult to discern just how much of a change this actually is. Please elaborate on this.

• Following on from the last points, what has been posted seems to ‘jump about’ with little continuity and material to tie the parts together. This fragments the continuity of the bio and can restrict the amount of detail you can put in to help fix the last point.

• From the skills you have chosen, there is little justification for them. Neither chemistry, brewing or indeed Xei helping with any carpentry, a cabin is mentioned, but whether he helped build it or not is not is mentioned in the bio. The skills your character has when entering the setting need justification in the bio; How, why or when he was trained, a hobby turned trade etc.
  ‘Alchemy’ This needs to be changed. Such things as alchemy and magic are not present in Mesalia. This needs revision. However, it can be swapped for chemistry, if a reason for Xei to have this skill is incorporated into the bio. Please work these two points into your next edit.