[Hutchy]

alright, RL, the feedback is cooked to perfection.

• We are not given a clear reason why they left. Lyrxi put a lot of effort into the town, being one of the few sources of prepared food and a councilor, why would he leave on such short notice to deliver a package? Was there no one else able to do so? Please elaborate.

• We do not see a lot of detail in this part of the returning post, where it is more thoroughly described in Dusken’s return post. Since this looks like a large part of their time away, there needs to be more detail of when and where the two groups split up and Lyrxi and Jie’s view on it.

• Was Lyrxi not aware that Arua packed up the entirety of the town’s medical supplies and took them with her, leaving two injured and sick people to fend for themselves? We aren’t given any indication if he knew or if he had any views on this. Bear in mind that it is highly unlikely that he’d miss a town’s worth of medical supplies being taken. Please elaborate on this point.
  

• ‘‘they caught word of a town relatively close enough to Ravenna suddenly increasing considerably in population’ I’m assuming you’re referring to Alroc, the new setting. Alroc is not close to Ravenna at all, it took an entire month by sea of IC time to get there from Ravenna. This rumour would have to travel very quickly to reach their ear in such a short time.
  This also applies here,
  Luckily however, the town was one of the last places they'd stop by before returning to Ravenna.’ this implies that they have managed to do an entire round trip of the Forbidden Lands, with barely any incident, in just under 6 IC months, which simply isn’t possible. Please revise this, taking into consideration the short length of time they have been away and how long it took the others to move.

• Lastly, Jie will need his own thread. This confusion was the result of a miscommunication for which we are very sorry. If you prefer that I hold off from further review until this thread has been made, just let me know here.

Bump the thread when you're done with the edits and we'll continue.