06-04-2014, 07:16 PM
Hey, JCW. FireDog here and I will be grading your application. Or at least kick starting the grading. Before we get started, just like to welcome you and say thanks for applying.
We got some things to cover, so let's get started:
1. Detail: I need more details in your back-story. As it is right now, I have no idea what Jarvious is like, how he acts, or what he really did. You need to start from childhood and progress further, showing clear development of the character as he gets older. Be sure to state how he acted and felt during specific situations and why he did specific actions he had. Try to create a person and tell his or her life's story rather than a small and brief back-story. If you're having trouble, see some other approved applications and characters and examine the length and detail the applications have.
2. Personality: I currently have no idea who Jarvious is. Please write a personality section, perhaps two to three paragraphs, describing who he is. This is an important part of your character submission because upon entering the server, this is who your character is and what he is like. How he acts and behaves, and why he does so. Does he avoid violence? How does he feel about the other races? Is he a flirt or does he shy away from women he finds attractive? Does he put on a smile despite feeling sick and sad beneath? Or does he openly express his current emotions? These are the things you should consider among smaller personality traits like favorite foods, colors, seasons, or disliked gifts and types of people.
3. Lore relation: I would like you to add more lore relation to your back-story. As it stands, you have very little and no real reactions to the lore. Be sure to include how your character feels about the events that are taking place in the lore. Also, the current lore relation you have may be incorrect. Currently, the lore needs some updates. I will get back to you on that. For now, be sure to include some crucial points at the end of the lore and your character's reactions to those lore points.
4. Skills: I need you to revise your skill list. Please see the skill guide to do so and be sure to work accordingly to that lore. Revise your skills and I will help you along the way if any problems occur.
For now, this is what I have. I want you to make some large revisions so I'm going to avoid adding too much to the plate. I will continue to work with and help you out if need be. If you have any questions, PM me. Thanks for applying.
We got some things to cover, so let's get started:
1. Detail: I need more details in your back-story. As it is right now, I have no idea what Jarvious is like, how he acts, or what he really did. You need to start from childhood and progress further, showing clear development of the character as he gets older. Be sure to state how he acted and felt during specific situations and why he did specific actions he had. Try to create a person and tell his or her life's story rather than a small and brief back-story. If you're having trouble, see some other approved applications and characters and examine the length and detail the applications have.
2. Personality: I currently have no idea who Jarvious is. Please write a personality section, perhaps two to three paragraphs, describing who he is. This is an important part of your character submission because upon entering the server, this is who your character is and what he is like. How he acts and behaves, and why he does so. Does he avoid violence? How does he feel about the other races? Is he a flirt or does he shy away from women he finds attractive? Does he put on a smile despite feeling sick and sad beneath? Or does he openly express his current emotions? These are the things you should consider among smaller personality traits like favorite foods, colors, seasons, or disliked gifts and types of people.
3. Lore relation: I would like you to add more lore relation to your back-story. As it stands, you have very little and no real reactions to the lore. Be sure to include how your character feels about the events that are taking place in the lore. Also, the current lore relation you have may be incorrect. Currently, the lore needs some updates. I will get back to you on that. For now, be sure to include some crucial points at the end of the lore and your character's reactions to those lore points.
4. Skills: I need you to revise your skill list. Please see the skill guide to do so and be sure to work accordingly to that lore. Revise your skills and I will help you along the way if any problems occur.
For now, this is what I have. I want you to make some large revisions so I'm going to avoid adding too much to the plate. I will continue to work with and help you out if need be. If you have any questions, PM me. Thanks for applying.