[Hutchy]

Alright, ww2buff. Next round.

• My previous point about the server lore still applies. You've made a good start, but there is further lore beyond the Purges and Civil War that will likely have affected your character. Being 19, he’ll have been around to experience some of the fighting during the Civil War and the portal to the Xitian realm reopening. I suggest that you read the lore for the last described age, then work on this point.

• My previous point about what your backstory must entail, that being a bio leading from their birth to their entry into the Forbidden Lands, still applies here. Once again, I suggest that you look around the character sheets forum to see what we’re looking for in a character’s backstory. Additionally, this must also cover the previous point of how he was as a person when he was a child, and beyond, and how the events he experienced affected him.

• It seems you misunderstood the skills guide. What you've done so far isn't the intended result. The list you have right now is that of the major skill groups, not actual skills. Examples of what we’re looking for can also be found in the character sheets forum. For example, rather than Handicrafts - Adept (Wood-carving)’ It would simply be ‘Carving - Adept’. I advise that you re-read the guide to better your understanding, then revise this.

• ‘Tundrak was born in the vast wilderness’ When you say wilderness, I imagine that this small family is living in the desolate, west end of nowhere without any real means of supporting themselves, therefore, likely to be dead within a week. This term is a bit too nondescript about their placement and situation, and can leave the reader scratching their head. Please elaborate on this.

That's all for now. Bump this thread when you have finished the necessary edits and we can continue.