21-12-2014, 10:39 AM
Mid-Late fall AV41 [12/21/14]
Hector and Zark both told me I'm mourning wrong. It's frustrating when I seem to have a handle on things to be told I'm just not doing it correctly. Who are they to tell me what I should be feeling right now?
I lost my temper with Zark, irrationally, I blamed her for this, for encouraging mom's recklessness. I hurt her deeply and my apology fell on deaf ears. I guess she's every right to be upset with me, that wasn't fair to her.
Mom was always going to die. She lived like she had a death wish, every time I saw her another piece of her was gone. I suppose that can be applied literally or figuratively... It's like we weren't enough for her to live for. She had to have more, her damned adventures and crime. Perhaps it was an addiction for her... one that eventually claimed her... something I think I've seen coming since... since she and father first disappeared when I was child. When Zark first told me she'd died. I was crushed but... I built myself a new family. I adapted and survived, and I know I'll do so again.
I'm angry at her for doing this to us. I think I'd rather be angry then sad but I can't stand to hurt those around me with it.
Maybe I should just leave nightveil...
Hector and Zark both told me I'm mourning wrong. It's frustrating when I seem to have a handle on things to be told I'm just not doing it correctly. Who are they to tell me what I should be feeling right now?
I lost my temper with Zark, irrationally, I blamed her for this, for encouraging mom's recklessness. I hurt her deeply and my apology fell on deaf ears. I guess she's every right to be upset with me, that wasn't fair to her.
Mom was always going to die. She lived like she had a death wish, every time I saw her another piece of her was gone. I suppose that can be applied literally or figuratively... It's like we weren't enough for her to live for. She had to have more, her damned adventures and crime. Perhaps it was an addiction for her... one that eventually claimed her... something I think I've seen coming since... since she and father first disappeared when I was child. When Zark first told me she'd died. I was crushed but... I built myself a new family. I adapted and survived, and I know I'll do so again.
I'm angry at her for doing this to us. I think I'd rather be angry then sad but I can't stand to hurt those around me with it.
Maybe I should just leave nightveil...