24-11-2016, 06:26 AM
Hullo there Cerb, welcome back! Sorry for the wait, life held me up and demanded things of me, and your app was quite unconventional.
So going straight into it, there's only one bit that I can point out.
One vs Many: So, in chapter 8, Arkon manages to take out a number of guards who have armor, and are actively looking for a fight. The previous bouts of Arkon listed in the story give him the element of surprise: when he takes down the two bandits, and the guards harassing the Xitian lady. However, with perhaps the exception of the leader of the guards, Arkon fought, and won, in a fight with "several" guards in the eighth chapter, which I find quite doubtful. Considering the POV of the 8th chapter, I dunno how you can elaborate on that, but some details would be nice.
I think that's it for now, if I find any other issues, I'll try to get back to you as soon as possible, but in the meanwhile, edit up and bump the thread when you're done.
So going straight into it, there's only one bit that I can point out.
One vs Many: So, in chapter 8, Arkon manages to take out a number of guards who have armor, and are actively looking for a fight. The previous bouts of Arkon listed in the story give him the element of surprise: when he takes down the two bandits, and the guards harassing the Xitian lady. However, with perhaps the exception of the leader of the guards, Arkon fought, and won, in a fight with "several" guards in the eighth chapter, which I find quite doubtful. Considering the POV of the 8th chapter, I dunno how you can elaborate on that, but some details would be nice.
I think that's it for now, if I find any other issues, I'll try to get back to you as soon as possible, but in the meanwhile, edit up and bump the thread when you're done.