24-12-2016, 04:24 AM
Khanh,
That’s right! Surprise letter in your luggage! Well, why would you be surprised, really. I mean I left you a letter back when I visited and left. That feels like forever ago. Anyway, I just thought you might be bored or missing me on the trip back. By the time you read this I’m probably missing you too, but totally not enough for you to turn back around. I’m fine. Calm down. But I also do have some news for you that I guess I thought was better to say over a letter. It’s good news, I swear. But I don’t know. I want to say how I feel about it before you say how you feel about it, I guess.
Before the Elder left, that time you made me go to her house with her thank-you gift and that soup Tuan made, she said I’m gonna take over the trade from Nerissa. That is, I will be trade master. Trade mistress? I don’t know, it’s a dumb title for a job that already has a name! I’m gonna be a merchant, like pa. Well, not exactly like pa, more like one of pa’s contacts. I just had Nerissa show me the ropes, so to speak. She actually knows her stuff and I feel kind of dumb for thinking she didn’t just because she threatened someone.
I guess I’m happy. Maybe terrified, because the types that come by the docks aren’t always going to be well, safe. I think at least the first few times, I’m gonna get a bodyguard like Zaira, or maybe Mudcake. Or Kane, if he’s not too busy. I don’t know. Zark said something when she told me I got the job. She said housing was scarce or something, “you must pull your weight”. Tuan would’ve chuckled. I don’t know. It echoes what Kane said that time in front of the castle hall, about how I should become more useful.
You know how I feel about people saying this stuff. But it’s different when they say it now. It’s hard explaining why. I guess it’s because they said it after I decided to try something new instead of before, so it’s like saying, you’re doing this because you’re not good enough. And that’s hard to argue with, I guess. When everyone used to give me shit and pa called me a deadbeat loser, it was easy to say fuck you, I’m perfect, but it’s harder to say you’re perfect when you’re doing something because you aren’t. It hurts. And it’s why I want you to be careful when you congratulate me. I don't know how to break the news to more people. I feel like just letting it happen.
Thanks again, for coming. I didn't realise it until I hugged you on that dock that I've missed seeing your face and just hanging out. And it was weird at first but I'm glad I got to hang out with you in Nightveil. I was like a weird dream that you were here and talking to my friends. You hit it off with Kane way too well. I thought Tuan would get along with him more, to be honest. I still really don't get it, other than I guess two people can be too similar. Stubborn on stubborn isn't a party. Now that you’re out of town though, will you tell me what you guys talked about that you both insist didn’t involve me? The only other thing I can think of is either peacekeeping strategies, but that sounds boring.
I wouldn't worry about him. Kane, I mean. We have fights like that all the time, I guess. One time he called me a headache, and another time I didn't talk to him forever, but I think this time just brought us closer, especially since Zaira left for that wedding and well, that meant I didn't have anyone to talk about Solo to. I mean, I couldn't talk to Tuan, obvious reasons. Eyana, I mean stuff was weird with her too. And you? Well you looked so uncomfortable with your “it's your choice”s and “if you feel that way”s at the ball, admit it. You don't want to hear about it. Well neither does Kane but at least he's better at hiding it.
I've been thinking about the smoking again. I know you don't want to talk about it, but I guess the great thing about letters is that you can pretend I didn't write about it, and that's that. I guess I was kind of harsh on you about hypocrisy thing. I get it. You’re having a hard time. The things you used to care about aren’t happening, so why care about music, too? Well if you stop caring about it, that means you’ll eventually stop caring about me, and that can’t happen. I’m kidding. I don’t know, Khanh. I didn’t think much about the whole not loving Thao thing, but after seeing how you are with her still, after all this time… maybe what you need is to think about it like the happy family you envisioned isn’t impossible. It’s just different now.
I guess I also just wanted to thank you for listening to me. It doesn’t happen a lot! Kidding, again. But also, I’ve decided that if you go back to smoking, well, I can’t blame you. But you shouldn’t hide it from me. And! You should at least give some alternatives a shot. I was thinking about what you could do instead of smoking, to relieve stress or whatever. And, well it sounds crazy, but bubble blowing. You guys had the clay pipe for Thao and I think, it’s the same kind of breathing with an aesthetic effect kind of deal. If that doesn’t work, I also included some sheet music that you could help me work on. Contribute some lyrics, you don’t do that very often.
I’m out of stuff to write about,
Lien
That’s right! Surprise letter in your luggage! Well, why would you be surprised, really. I mean I left you a letter back when I visited and left. That feels like forever ago. Anyway, I just thought you might be bored or missing me on the trip back. By the time you read this I’m probably missing you too, but totally not enough for you to turn back around. I’m fine. Calm down. But I also do have some news for you that I guess I thought was better to say over a letter. It’s good news, I swear. But I don’t know. I want to say how I feel about it before you say how you feel about it, I guess.
Before the Elder left, that time you made me go to her house with her thank-you gift and that soup Tuan made, she said I’m gonna take over the trade from Nerissa. That is, I will be trade master. Trade mistress? I don’t know, it’s a dumb title for a job that already has a name! I’m gonna be a merchant, like pa. Well, not exactly like pa, more like one of pa’s contacts. I just had Nerissa show me the ropes, so to speak. She actually knows her stuff and I feel kind of dumb for thinking she didn’t just because she threatened someone.
I guess I’m happy. Maybe terrified, because the types that come by the docks aren’t always going to be well, safe. I think at least the first few times, I’m gonna get a bodyguard like Zaira, or maybe Mudcake. Or Kane, if he’s not too busy. I don’t know. Zark said something when she told me I got the job. She said housing was scarce or something, “you must pull your weight”. Tuan would’ve chuckled. I don’t know. It echoes what Kane said that time in front of the castle hall, about how I should become more useful.
You know how I feel about people saying this stuff. But it’s different when they say it now. It’s hard explaining why. I guess it’s because they said it after I decided to try something new instead of before, so it’s like saying, you’re doing this because you’re not good enough. And that’s hard to argue with, I guess. When everyone used to give me shit and pa called me a deadbeat loser, it was easy to say fuck you, I’m perfect, but it’s harder to say you’re perfect when you’re doing something because you aren’t. It hurts. And it’s why I want you to be careful when you congratulate me. I don't know how to break the news to more people. I feel like just letting it happen.
Thanks again, for coming. I didn't realise it until I hugged you on that dock that I've missed seeing your face and just hanging out. And it was weird at first but I'm glad I got to hang out with you in Nightveil. I was like a weird dream that you were here and talking to my friends. You hit it off with Kane way too well. I thought Tuan would get along with him more, to be honest. I still really don't get it, other than I guess two people can be too similar. Stubborn on stubborn isn't a party. Now that you’re out of town though, will you tell me what you guys talked about that you both insist didn’t involve me? The only other thing I can think of is either peacekeeping strategies, but that sounds boring.
I wouldn't worry about him. Kane, I mean. We have fights like that all the time, I guess. One time he called me a headache, and another time I didn't talk to him forever, but I think this time just brought us closer, especially since Zaira left for that wedding and well, that meant I didn't have anyone to talk about Solo to. I mean, I couldn't talk to Tuan, obvious reasons. Eyana, I mean stuff was weird with her too. And you? Well you looked so uncomfortable with your “it's your choice”s and “if you feel that way”s at the ball, admit it. You don't want to hear about it. Well neither does Kane but at least he's better at hiding it.
I've been thinking about the smoking again. I know you don't want to talk about it, but I guess the great thing about letters is that you can pretend I didn't write about it, and that's that. I guess I was kind of harsh on you about hypocrisy thing. I get it. You’re having a hard time. The things you used to care about aren’t happening, so why care about music, too? Well if you stop caring about it, that means you’ll eventually stop caring about me, and that can’t happen. I’m kidding. I don’t know, Khanh. I didn’t think much about the whole not loving Thao thing, but after seeing how you are with her still, after all this time… maybe what you need is to think about it like the happy family you envisioned isn’t impossible. It’s just different now.
I guess I also just wanted to thank you for listening to me. It doesn’t happen a lot! Kidding, again. But also, I’ve decided that if you go back to smoking, well, I can’t blame you. But you shouldn’t hide it from me. And! You should at least give some alternatives a shot. I was thinking about what you could do instead of smoking, to relieve stress or whatever. And, well it sounds crazy, but bubble blowing. You guys had the clay pipe for Thao and I think, it’s the same kind of breathing with an aesthetic effect kind of deal. If that doesn’t work, I also included some sheet music that you could help me work on. Contribute some lyrics, you don’t do that very often.
I’m out of stuff to write about,
Lien