[Hutchy]

Hello, Noon, next round.

First, as a personal favour, can you please separate your backstory into paragraphs, right now it's quite difficult for me to read.

by the age of ten having already killed his first human

Two points here, first is that humans don't exist in Mesalia. Only Mesalians, Lucins and Xitians. Next that this is quite a big deal, therefore I would like to see more detail of this.

a child he had saved from the same future that took ahold of him,

If this occurrence in his backstory is anything to go by, this is also a pretty big deal. That in mind, I would also like to see a more detailed explanation of how he did this.

Next, there is no actual place called Mesalia. All of this takes place in the Middle Realm.

Skillswise, your character needs a lot of tuning. Far as Lockpicking goes, an expert skill requires 15 years of basically doing nothing but lock picking, which he hasn't; also there has been no evidence of him learning or using this skill. Unless that changes I recommend that it is removed. The same goes for swordsmanship, there hasn't been any evidence of training or use in his backstory, so, while I can accept him having the skill, he hasn't studied it almost exclusively so I would recommend lowering it to an advanced skill at most.


That's all I have for you right now. Post again when your edits have been made and we'll continue.