10-03-2018, 06:11 PM
Welcome back, Sank. Whitelisting time.
Just for my sake, I suggest you take a look at the wording of events after they escape into the forest, I find it a little confusing and difficult to pin down how long they stayed there. At first it seems like they stay there for a couple weeks, then a few years. Also, is there any reason why they waited weeks to build a shelter? Just a few ideas to consider to make your backstory flow better.
I see no mention of the dusk portal reopening, news of such a thing might affect Aldus' mood and behaviour pretty significantly, what with the whole slave for a third of his life thing.
I think that's about all I have for you for now. Post again in this thread when you've made any changes and we'll continue.
Just for my sake, I suggest you take a look at the wording of events after they escape into the forest, I find it a little confusing and difficult to pin down how long they stayed there. At first it seems like they stay there for a couple weeks, then a few years. Also, is there any reason why they waited weeks to build a shelter? Just a few ideas to consider to make your backstory flow better.
I see no mention of the dusk portal reopening, news of such a thing might affect Aldus' mood and behaviour pretty significantly, what with the whole slave for a third of his life thing.
I think that's about all I have for you for now. Post again in this thread when you've made any changes and we'll continue.