10-04-2013, 05:44 AM
Hello! My name is FireDog and I will be grading your whitelist application!
There are a decent amount of things that you are going to have to fix before I can consider approving you.
1. Lore relation: Your backstory has little to no lore relation, or even lore relation that makes sense with the current lore. The only thin you mention is the Xitians burning down your characters village. However, I would like to point out that the Civil wars are not mentioned and those are far more prominent and more likely to affect your character than Xitians being the typical villians of a backstroy and burning down a village.
Please add more lore relation and ake your character more relevant to our setting.
2. Character personalty and depth. As of now, your character has no depth or personality at all. I have no idea who this character is. Part of this is because you have little depth in the story and fail to explain your characters reactions and thoughts on what is going on around. Nor have you explained anything about your characters childhood and what his life was like. You need to make this character not just something you play, but a person that has thoughts, feelings, emotions et cetera. It may help to provide a list of positive, neutral, and negative traits about your character with explanation on each. But I also want you to expand your backstory and make it more like a story rather a list of events to this one character.
3. Items V.S Skills:
We know that your character is a baker, but why would he carry a Sword, Shield, bow and other equipment? I only see this as a Legend of Zelda reference and it makes no sense with the rest of what your character is. There is nothing in the backstory that states him obtaining such items, and there is no reason for him to have these items to begin with.
Also, please make a list of your characters skills with elaboration on each skill. Doing so would help me get a better feel of just what "Baker" implies. Remember that if someone is a baker, they are not likely to have skills in sword and shield use.
I think the main concern I have is that you may be confused on what kind of server Mesalia is. This is Role Play server where we make characters that are 3-D people that go into every day life. Life that just so happens to have fantasy elements in it. Games like LoZ, Skyrim, etc. Are not Role playing games, they are RPG games with the mind set of looting dungeons and collecting items to use on quests. That is not what Mesalia is. I just want ot make this clear before you attempt to fix anything.
I also suggest you look at other approved applicants backstories to find out what we want in one. Thank you for your time.
-FireDog
There are a decent amount of things that you are going to have to fix before I can consider approving you.
1. Lore relation: Your backstory has little to no lore relation, or even lore relation that makes sense with the current lore. The only thin you mention is the Xitians burning down your characters village. However, I would like to point out that the Civil wars are not mentioned and those are far more prominent and more likely to affect your character than Xitians being the typical villians of a backstroy and burning down a village.
Please add more lore relation and ake your character more relevant to our setting.
2. Character personalty and depth. As of now, your character has no depth or personality at all. I have no idea who this character is. Part of this is because you have little depth in the story and fail to explain your characters reactions and thoughts on what is going on around. Nor have you explained anything about your characters childhood and what his life was like. You need to make this character not just something you play, but a person that has thoughts, feelings, emotions et cetera. It may help to provide a list of positive, neutral, and negative traits about your character with explanation on each. But I also want you to expand your backstory and make it more like a story rather a list of events to this one character.
3. Items V.S Skills:
We know that your character is a baker, but why would he carry a Sword, Shield, bow and other equipment? I only see this as a Legend of Zelda reference and it makes no sense with the rest of what your character is. There is nothing in the backstory that states him obtaining such items, and there is no reason for him to have these items to begin with.
Also, please make a list of your characters skills with elaboration on each skill. Doing so would help me get a better feel of just what "Baker" implies. Remember that if someone is a baker, they are not likely to have skills in sword and shield use.
I think the main concern I have is that you may be confused on what kind of server Mesalia is. This is Role Play server where we make characters that are 3-D people that go into every day life. Life that just so happens to have fantasy elements in it. Games like LoZ, Skyrim, etc. Are not Role playing games, they are RPG games with the mind set of looting dungeons and collecting items to use on quests. That is not what Mesalia is. I just want ot make this clear before you attempt to fix anything.
I also suggest you look at other approved applicants backstories to find out what we want in one. Thank you for your time.
-FireDog
