[dir=ltr]2017-02-23 - Spring[/dir][dir=ltr]Thank all Stars across the skies for little Hades. He’s so precious and adorable he’s a true soother of soul and easer of burdens. After spending ages playing and crawling around among pillows and blankets with the little boy I tend to feel much better.[/dir] [dir=ltr]I’ve followed up my poor encounter with Lien with an even worse one with Bishop. Of all people out there I thought he’d be the one I could talk to but damn was I wrong. He’s an arrogant fucking prick![/dir] [dir=ltr]I decided to simply leave the letters as they were and send them, too pissed to keep rewriting. Ezri and Netha should get theirs soon enough. Thorvald’s will likely take months. I haven’t even heard from him for a while but if he’s reached the Ko’Ban lands I know it may take time till I do. I don’t know whether to write Thomas just yet or not, he got newborn twins to worry about. So, I’ll wait.[/dir] [dir=ltr]For now I keep focused on my task to help and care for Hara and Hades. I’ll try to do so till Hara’s well, even if that takes time. My students will have to wait, I can’t put the time down for my school right now. This family needs me more.
At least I have my books to write. I’ve been sketching on an idea when I get the time. A more light-hearted book about someone’s everyday struggle. It’s something I’ve never tried before. And if I can manage that and also make it humorous I got something light to deal with to take my mind off my troubles when I can’t play with Hades.[/dir]
[dir=ltr]2017-02-24[/dir][dir=ltr]I’ve spent most of the past days sleeping and trying to eat according to Roe’s instructions when not working. I keep feeling faint whenever I get up and as of late I’d argue it got worse rather than better. But thinking on it I think it’s my own fault. I’ve probably eaten less as of late and combined with less sleep, that probably does it. Doubt it’s my heart as Roe feared, never had any problems before. Not counting the time Jolene blasted me in the chest with Aether, Stars bless the old bitch’s soul. Also probably wouldn’t be a bad idea to bless her soul with a stick-up-the-ass removal.[/dir] [dir=ltr]Adreanna sought me out, she had an interesting report to rely. As always, until the matter is resolved or have just run out in the sands I’ll refrain from writing too much details. One never know who get their hands on what one writes down.[/dir] [dir=ltr]I miss my dear wife. I could use someone to talk to around here that won’t instantly get their young impatient asshole in a massive twist over bloody nothing.[/dir]
[dir=ltr]2017-03-02[/dir][dir=ltr]It has been a rough few days. Difficult to get a pause in to write. I don’t know for certain what happened as the story has only been told to me from others’ perspective. But it seems Hara’s state caused her to go after Zaira after the two had a less than pleasant conversation. The confrontation that assured had Zaira enraged when Hara started to vandalise the smithy’s lobby and they fought. To no surprise given Hara’s state, Zaira neutralised her. Perhaps a bit too properly. Hara’s nose was broken and her knee dislocated. She’s in bed rest now.[/dir] [dir=ltr]I did what I could for her but that leg is beyond my limited skills of healing. Hara wanted no medication or help until I suggested I’d fetch Chepi. That worked. I took Zaira with me for company and guarding and we made our way to the tribe in good pace.[/dir] [dir=ltr]We ran into Sawanta, of course. The man guards the tribe, otherwise would’ve been an exception. He was oddly curious about Hara and her child, this brought me worry and still does. But at the time, what mattered was to return to Nightveil and Hara with Chepi.[/dir] [dir=ltr]Once Hara had been tended to Chepi had a word with me. Or a few. She believes Hara will do best to be moved to the tribe once she can walk again, and Hara had asked to go to them. Someplace where her delusions won’t get so strongly contradicted and thus hopefully won’t get worse.[/dir] [dir=ltr]I understand her reasoning, but she seem quite naive to just how bloody bad delusions can become and what they can cause people to do. It won’t work to Hara’s favour to believe she will not encounter or cause problems just because she gets her wishes through. The Ko’Ban aren’t perfect, no more than we are. I tried to make Chepi understand it’s not so easy and the woman seemed to completely ignore what I was saying for the greater part of that conversation. I got frustrated with her but at least I eventually got my message through somewhat. If only to find I have to go with her to ensure Hades remains safely cared for and not killed by a bath.
[/dir][dir=ltr]The following conversation had me reconsider my views of Chepi. I always viewed her as a kind woman of great compassion and understanding. Apparently that’s not the whole truth. The woman can also be cruel, stubborn and zealous. Perhaps the later isn’t so unexpected of a Ko’Ban shaman but it caused the conversation to turn ugly and she was beyond respectless and not at all compassionate.
[/dir][dir=ltr]She’s certain Thorvald is mine because my vision told me so. Me suggesting otherwise had her accuse me of everything from me calling the gods and everyone around me liars to me having no faith in anyone or anything. She showed zero understanding or sympathy for me or my doubts and apparently it’s enough to her to “listen to the wisdom of my heart”. I refrained from telling her the heart speaks desires, not wisdom. Just because I want Thorvald to be my son and want Hades to be my grandson it doesn’t mean they are. One doesn’t always get what one wants. That, that is wisdom.[/dir] [dir=ltr]I yielded and humoured her thought of listening to heart and instincts, to see what I make of that. What I make of Hades being my grandson. The answer? I still don’t make any bloody sense of it.[/dir] [dir=ltr]Kane didn’t return home till late that night. I was up walking Hades to get him back to sleep. The man truly is doing shit. He has thoughts of violence, injury and death. If not for his capability to control those desires and thoughts he’d be dangerous. It has me wonder if taking him as student was a good idea, I have taught him quite a lot in how to do those things should he lose it. But stopping now may push him over the edge. If training doesn’t help, I’m not so sure I have a good answer. The only answer may be for him to leave for a time and get chance to live it out and it is not a desirable answer.
For now, I care for Hara and Hades. With Hara unable to walk it’s more work than before. I will have to plan my time better.[/dir]
2017-03-16
[This page has a large blotch of ink at the start.]
I fell asleep, fucking mess I made of this page. Ever since Hara was injured my work helping out has doubled. I don’t get much work done right now. I guess I don’t really mind beside missing to hold my lessons for my students.
I spoke with Bishop again. After all that’s happened I couldn’t bare being alone with it and at odds with everyone. I heard him out. Why he thinks Thorvald’s quite possibly mine. He thinks despite my lack of abilities I may still have it in my blood to pass it on. Or even awaken. He wishes to test it. I told him I don’t know if it should be attempted, I want a word with Ezri first. What if something goes wrong? Besides, do I want it after all this time? It was long ago I dreamt of the power to move fire, I was a child. Even if I’m just somewhere six or seven decades old, it feels like I’ve walked these Realms for several lifetimes since then.
I’ll have to think on all of it. But I’m tired. Now when Hades and Hara sleep, I need my rest too. Maybe I’ll check the tome over the Duras family, see if that has any clues at all. For now, I think I’ll listen to Bishop and hope he’s right about Thorvald and Hades. I love them both after all.
