[Hutchy]

Alright, Crafter, sorry I don't have feedback for you immediately. I have to ask that you segregate this into a paragraphed structure and, if you can, colour your edits so they stand out from the rest of the text. This screen is giving me trouble while reading walls of text.

Sorry again, but please bump the thread when you've done what you can and I'll get right back to you with further feedback.

Thanks.

[The_Crafter2]

I have now separated the paragraphs and highlighted in blue the changes

[Hutchy]

Alright, Crafter, next round.

• ‘and by the age of 10’ We’re still missing the description of 5 years. We need to know what he did in this time. Did he start going to school or did he just study the theory of blacksmithing? Please elaborate.

• ‘an small anvil’ An anvil that is small, and still usable, would still weigh a lot. The two men would both have to carry it, even then over short distances. Please revise.

• ‘half way through the month voyage it became so infected that it had to be amputated’ You cannot amputate shoulders. Please revise.

• Again, I recommend you read the skill guide, linked in an earlier feedback, as the format of your skill entries makes it difficult to judge the actual level of his skill.

That's all for now. Bump the thread when you have made the necessary edits and we can continue.

[Hutchy]

Trashed due to inactivity. Feel free to re-apply.