[SentaiPink]

You're getting better! But there are still somethings that need worked out.

Franek tells me that he wants to join the army when we arrive in the Forbidden Lands

You mention this army several times, there is no army in the forbidden lands, there are no kingdoms, or wars, there's only a handful of settlements really. Go give the lore another read and please revise.

After we found a reasonable amount of clay Jon put them into the furnace

What furnace? Are they in a town? Did Jon build a oven? That would take a considerable amount of time... try and give us a bit more about this place they arrived at.

I told him that I was sorry for being disobedient at a younger age

You don't offer any explanation as to what he did at a younger age that would lead to him needing to apologize. And given what you've said about his father prior, it makes little sense on how this act would improve him if his dislike for his family is something ingrained from when he was a child. You also lack overall insight into his earlier life.

...My dad is 42 at this time and had witnessed the Seven Sages destroy the dreaded Xitian gateways. My father was an angry man ever since my mother passed away. Even before that, he always hated his children. This was because of how his parents always scolded him for the smallest things he did. Sometimes, he thought that he had done the right thing, but his father still beat him when he had arrived at home...

...Jon showed me how to put clay in brick molds and how to put them in furnaces. He says that I have a natural hand for masonry and all I could tell him was that I got it from his side of the family. He laughed and told a story about how my dad also wanted to become a mason and how he always messed up while Jon was the perfect student. I asked him if because he was not as perfect as you, being mocked all the time, he let his anger out on his family? He told me that this was the best explanation for this. I promised Jon I wouldn’t tell father that I know his lack of masonry skill...

If he knew all along about his fathers issues growing up, then why would this conversation with Jon be any sort of revelation?

I told him that I was sorry for being disobedient at a younger age

Why is it necessary for Russell to then apologize to his father for his behavior when his fathers issues are internal ones. It's unclear how this act would improve his feelings towards his son. And seems to contradict Russel's actions later where he shrug's off his fathers love. please revise to be more consistent.

Word has reached us that Franek had died in battle.

Its not possible nor realistic for word to reach them while hiking through the untamed wilderness that is the forbidden lands.

The following points from my previous post /still/ apply:

• ... When we got to our camp I began looking for clay to make bricks. Jon says that in the next week he will teach me how to cut them....Jon has taught me how to cut bricks ... He showed me how he cuts it then he guided me through the cutting process...
  ...I have been working hard on my cutting and laying procedure...
  

  Bricks are heavy, as are the tools to work them, it is unrealistic to teach masonry while traveling. Please revise.
  
  A run down building will not realistically have piles of uncut brick laying around to practice with nor would the small group be able to carry such things with them. Again remove the unrealistic attempts to learn this tradeskill while moving.

• Father says that he wants nothing to do with me and Jon and that he will take Alice when she comes back. I told him that we didn’t need him anyway, and he looked at me without saying a word, looked down, and walked away. Abandoning his son and brother...

  Your character arrives in the setting alone, so what is the explanation for what's happened with his family?
  
  
  
• You still do not have enough Lore relation. [/list:u]
  Please revise.
  
  Finally, why did his family leave the mainlands? You've not explained that yet. Overall his personality seems a bit inconsistent and your summery contradicts itself. Please revise.
  
  There is a lot that still needs worked on, and while you've made some improvement you've also disregarded some of my prior assessments. Please give the lore another look over. Then revise or rewrite the application as needed. Thank you for your patience. Hopefully we'll get this pegged soon!