[SentaiPink]

Alright, thank you for waiting while I've reviewed the app once more. I need to inform you that this is the final review I can offer for this application. While I've asked for explanations and elaborations on things, you've not managed to follow or adequately adjust the application to my requests. Normally this is done on a three strikes bases but I gave you a bit of Mulligan for the whole entry issues given the setting. That stated, be aware that after the final set of revision, if the application is not up to standard or the revisions not of significance, then you will have to start again with a new application.

• We wanted to leave the mainlands because the Xitians kept oppressing our small town, using my family as farmworkers. I hated them. Every second that I worked was filled with hatred.

  This... makes little sense. How are there Xitians still oppressing anyone after the wars? Where is this town? How is it everyone else didn't just bribe the ship captain's? What did he give the captain if he was being oppressed? How did they slip away? This single statement goes against a lot of the lore and leaves more big questions then it answers. Also, it mentions farming yet he's got no skill in it, and it mentions a hatred for Xitians that isn't in his personality information. Peoples personality evolves from their upbringing and situation so these events in his life shape who Russell is at the end of the story. Keep this in mind when you revise this. This needs HEAVY elaboration. Where is this? How is this possible with our lore? Revise, Or rewrite to make more sense with our lore and be believable.
  
  
  

• I went to go talk to my father after this. He smiled when I walked into the door. It was the first time I’ve ever seen him smile.

  You give no explanation as to why he smiles or doesn't. Why its significant, or really any insight into the characters feelings on it.
  
  
  
• A total of six weeks of training is not sufficient to know much of anything about masonry. it is a complex skill and It's unrealistic he'd have even a novice grasp after such a short while. it would take a minimum of a year for him to be a novice. Revise.
  
  
  
• THE FOLLOWING POINTS FROM MY PREVIOUS POST STILL APPLY:
  
  • There is no army in the forbidden lands, there are no kingdoms, or wars, there's only a handful of settlements really. Go give the lore another read and revise.
    
    
    
  • Bricks are heavy, as are the tools to work them, it is unrealistic to teach masonry while traveling. Please revise. Remove the unrealistic attempts to learn this tradeskill while moving.
    
    
    
  • Its not possible nor realistic for word to reach them while hiking through the untamed wilderness that is the forbidden lands. NOR is it possible for a message to HAPPEN to end up at the town they stop it. No one would of known them or where they'd be. Or if they did tell someone or the brother/sister knew, that's not mentioned anywhere and this stands as a gaping plot hole in the story now. Revise.
    
    
    
  • You still do not have enough Lore relation. It's quite clear that you either haven't read the lore or desperately need to do so again. Revise and elaborate.
    
    
    

  • He tells me that now that both of my siblings have left I am his only thing to love. I asked him if that was a good thing. He told me of course, asking why wouldn’t it be? I shrugged and left to go to my bed.

    This directly contradicts you're personality and you still offer NO explanation for Russells feelings or his behavior. ELABORATE.
    
    
    
  • You offer little about his childhood and what he was like growing up and that isn't considering the considerable lore conflicts mentioned above. elaborate on his childhood. Elaborate.
    
    
    
  • The personality still needs a lot of work, as it stands it's repetitive and lacks any real depth, Your character is more then just some guy who tries to be nice and can be manipulated, what are his character strengths, where are his flaws? People are more complex then this overly simplified summery you've got here. Simply put it needs a lot more elaboration.[/list:u][/list:u]
    
    Again this is my final review, until these things are addressed, a general elaboration on the character and more lore relation is added to this application, you will not pass, and you'll have to start again with a new application.