11-08-2013, 02:02 AM
Hello! My name is Pinkie and I will be helping you with your application. Feel free to ask any questions you have in this thread or PM me.
Backstory
Skills
You have far too many skills. Since there isn’t an age for your character listed I can’t tell you how many skills are appropriate for them. Generally we see somewhere around 3. We have a guide that should clarify a lot of it, please read the guide, remove most of the skills, explain how and when she learned them in the backstory, summarize what she is capable in the skill list, and attach levels (Beginner, Novice, Competent, Advanced, Expert, Master). http://www.mesalia.net/forum/showthread.php?tid=271
And compare with accepted characters of similar age http://www.mesalia.net/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=29
Equipment
When we ask what your character is bringing, we're asking for a list. What you have is too vague. Please specify exactly what she's bringing.
That’s everything. I’ll have more for you when you address what I’ve got here. Good luck!
Backstory
- The backstory needs proofreading. Currently, both paragraphs repeat much of the same information and some of what isn't repeated contradicts the other paragraph. I recommend keeping the story linear as it becomes hard to follow when the same events are covered more than once.
- Elaboration is needed on the characters life outside of the death of her family. Please tell us more about who this person is and try to specify more events in the characters life. Please revise the premise of seeking a deadly illness (or the cure for one). It isn't a very realistic motivation.
- There is no lore relation. Please re-read the lore and include how the events in the lore affected your character. We require the lore relation to ensure your character fits within the setting. http://www.mesalia.net/lore.html
- Please add an additional section for personality.
- The backstory must end with the characters arrival in the forbidden lands.
- I need you to list the full name and age of the character. Please note the age has to be accurate to the lore events, such as the wars.
Skills
You have far too many skills. Since there isn’t an age for your character listed I can’t tell you how many skills are appropriate for them. Generally we see somewhere around 3. We have a guide that should clarify a lot of it, please read the guide, remove most of the skills, explain how and when she learned them in the backstory, summarize what she is capable in the skill list, and attach levels (Beginner, Novice, Competent, Advanced, Expert, Master). http://www.mesalia.net/forum/showthread.php?tid=271
And compare with accepted characters of similar age http://www.mesalia.net/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=29
Equipment
When we ask what your character is bringing, we're asking for a list. What you have is too vague. Please specify exactly what she's bringing.
That’s everything. I’ll have more for you when you address what I’ve got here. Good luck!