[Michelle]

Hi, welcome to Mesalia. I'm Michelle and I'll be reviewing your app.
Basically, the issues in this application stem from a lack of detail, but I like your enthusiasm and it seems you have the bare bones laid out; it’s just a matter of developing those ideas further.

• 1. Overall, your character’s backstory requires more detail. Most aspects of Lavinia’s life, such as her relationship with Jinora, her interest in music and history, her changing opinions on her brother, etc. read as very sudden and random due to a lack of elaboration and build up. Please revise/elaborate; consider how the character felt at particular moments of her life, as well as the other feedback points since they all relate back to this one.
  2. Your character’s personality also requires more detail. To make this easier to understand, I’ve broken this into two parts:
  • a) Your character’s personality should be the main focus of their backstory; it should do this by telling us how Lavinia has become who she is. How has her upbringing affected her? How have the events in her life shaped her? What has made her change in the past? Please revise/elaborate with questions such as these in mind.
    b) Please also include a prose description of your character’s personality, similar to how you’ve described your character’s appearance; lists aren’t very detailed on their own. Consider things like the character’s faults, ambitions and values. What’s she like in different situations?
  3. Your character’s skills require more detail; while you do make Lavinia’s skills clear, you don’t explain how she learnt them, or where/who she learnt them from. Please revise and elaborate on this in your character’s backstory. You also need to specify just how skilled your characters are; you already sort of did this, but it’s not very clear. Here’s a nifty guide that explains how people usually describe their character’s skill levels here; keep in mind that your character shouldn’t be too skilled for her age. Please consult the guide, then revise.
  4. Your character’s backstory requires more lore relation. While I understand your character lived in the Forbidden Lands for pretty much her entire life, there is still more potential for relevant lore relation. For example, what are Lavinia’s opinions on Xitians and Lucins? Why did her parents move to the Forbidden Lands? If she’s heard of them, what does she think of the civil wars? Knowing what she knows, would she ever want to see the mainland? Please consider questions such as these, and elaborate/revise.

I may have stayed up into late/early hours to finish this post, so sorry if anything isn’t clear. Do feel free to ask questions if that’s the case. That’s all for now. Good luck.
P.S.: Korra and Last Airbender FTW.