[Hutchy]

Alright, Kitty, sorry for the wait.

• ‘and a coin bigger than the rest. It was Spanish.’ I noticed that this was still in the story, and it needs to be removed. I recommend that you look back through the previous feedback and make sure that you have acted on it all accordingly.

• Also, it seems that you misunderstood the skill guide. You have listed the categories rather than the skills she actually has.
  For example, rather than ‘Wilderness - competent’ it would be something like ‘Tracking - Competent’.
  I recommend that you go back and re-read the guide to help you figure out what kind of skills she would have, taking into account life experience and training.

• Finally, while not required, I would recommend that you take the time to either condense or re-write the backstory in it’s entirety. Currently, it has become difficult to read and quite confusing as you have tried to include too much into a small time frame.
  You must keep in mind the capabilities of a child and the dissolution of learned information, an example being when she skinned a rabbit to be suitable to eat after only reading a book, this sort of thing would require some, literal, hand-on experience to perform well. In this branch, you need to bare in mind how long a child could survive alone in the wilderness.
  Finally, there are events in the story that, while it could have been a stroke of luck, appear non-sensical and out of place, namely the man in the shop suddenly asking if a random girl who just walked in is going to the Forbidden Lands.

• As a last point, the RP setting takes place in the Forbidden Lands, at the end your character leaves. Please correct this.

That's all for this round. Please take your time to make sure you properly act on this and previous feedback. In particular, consider my point of condensing or re-writing the backstory to make it easier to follow and understand. Bump the thread when you have made your edits and we can continue.