Hello, Warrior. I'm Hutchy and I'll be temporarily taking over for Young in helping you through whitelisting.
That's all for now. Bump this thread when you have finished the necessary edits and we can continue.
P.S, when you make your edits, could you please highlight them in another colour. Thanks.
- ‘When born a doctor who would visit the family and say that the child was to not go out in the sun.’ There’s two problems here. It isn’t clear whether this is about Ardon or his sister. Additionally, while I’m no expert, I can think of no reason why a child would need to be kept indoors for seven years. It would also help if you explain why at 10 he is finally able to leave the house. Please elaborate.[/i]
- ‘Both were kept in the house and they did nothing but read the books their parents bought them.’ 7 years pass in this time, a lot can happen in that time. Were there no other events in that time? All they did was read? Please elaborate.
- ‘When he turned 22‘ How did it take 4 years for him to afford passage on a ship, also, why did they pack to leave, but then leave four years later? Good hunters would generally be well paid, and passage on a ship wouldn’t be hugely expensive, unless this is different in his area. Additionally, what was he doing over these four years to raise the money? Please elaborate.
That's all for now. Bump this thread when you have finished the necessary edits and we can continue.
P.S, when you make your edits, could you please highlight them in another colour. Thanks.