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[Trashed] Application- warrior8402
#1
In Game Name (IGN): warrior8402

How did you find us? (Forums, friend, previous member, etc…)[b] I found this server searching for other ones on the web.

[b]About You:
I have enjoyed roleplaying because of the community and searched for new servers when one got shut down, When people address me it is usually by my user unless We know eachother, I spend most of my time playing games and I found that the builds in rp seem to have work put into them which is why I play on rp servers

CHARACTER INFORMATION
Name: Ardon Shullstin
Age: 24
Gender: male
Appearance: black hair, black eyes, light skin, black shirt, wears a long red coat with a hood, gray pants and black boots. 6'4 and average build.

Personality: A kind person who likes others and makes friends, but also does not understand a joke as he takes some things seriously. He follows what he believes to be right and acts only after thought. He believes that people that there are some people who can't be changed and will not try to change them. He respects everyone, mostly elders.

Backstory: Ardon was born on an island and his parents had set up a farm to trade with villagers in the town. Ardon's Uncle, Fredrick, was a guard of the town and had some training. Ardon lived on the farm with his parents and younger sister, Flora, who was 3 years younger than him. When both of the children were born a doctor who would visit the family and say that the child was to not go out in the sun. The doctor was a very trusted doctor who also trated some other members of the family. The two parents trusted this man due to the history and listened to his word. Both were kept in the house and they did nothing but read the books their parents bought them. Sometimes they would be taken ouside and into town except they were kept under the shade of the wagon. During that time both were to study from the books as well but would be given time to play outside but under the shade of trees. Sometimes their uncle would take them to go to the river near the trees they played at. On Ardon's 10th birthday he received a long red coat with a hood which was very big for him but would shade him from the sun. His sister recieved a big straw hat to shade herself. After they had recieved such things, they were taken to outside more often and Ardon was able to go to places with his uncle. One day his uncle gave him a shortbow and took him to practice his shot every week.
Then during the winter his family not only did not make enough money but was scarce on food. Fredrick, seeing this problem, came to visit them and said he needed to see Ardon. Fredrick told him to bring his bow before leaving and Ardon trusting his uncle ran to his room and took his bow out from under the bed. They went to the forest where many hunted. Fredrick had experience with hunting as it was necessary for his guard training to survive in the wilderness. He showed Ardon how to set a small trap to catch a small animal. Then ,as he was telling Ardon this, spotted a deer. Fredrick and Ardon both quietly rushed behind some trees as the deer walked slowly. Ardon looked from behind the tree and saw the deer as it stood still. Fredrick told him to shoot it in the head using one of his(fredrick's) arrows. Ardon pulled back his bow and aimed at the head of the deer, then released the arrow as it flew towards the animal. Ardon knew how to shoot the bow but do to lack of experience missed and grazed the animal's neck. The deer panicked and ran away from the two. "You'll get one next time" Fredrick had said as he went back towards the small trap they had set. Luckily A rabbit was caught in it and they took it to the farm. That night Ardon thought of how he could not miss next time, how he could get more food for the family, and how he could be better. The next few days He asked his uncle to take him again and again. Each time he tried to shoot one of the animals he would keep missing and sometimes the traps wouldn't catch anything. Although one day He saw another deer and instead of just shooting it quickly dug holes and put some arrows in the ground near the area. The deer was still there so he took the shot and hit but the deer only fled injured. Luckily though the hole he dug caught the animal and he celebrated but saw one issue. It was too heavy, and Ardon not knowing anything else left sad and depressed.
As Ardon grew up he would go hunting with his uncle and would sometimes camp just to find one animal. From these experiences Ardon was able to hunt and take necessary items from an animal. During these trips Fredrick taught Ardon how to fight as they waited. Sometimes his uncle would tell of other people in the world such as Lucins and Xitians, but Ardon only believed them to be stories for he never really met other people other than Villagers and his family. He traveled into the town with his uncle and heard alot of talk from the other villagers about the portal Opening. He had heard that a portal was once destroyed but opened once again. After hearing this, Ardon went to talk to others about this event and they talked about previous events such as the destruction of the portal to the dusk realm. He soon realized that these events would affect him as well. There were talks of civil wars on another land and how people say it may come to them. But, most of the people on the island had no involvement with the other land so they were not bothered. One day though, a group of men came and had told the town's people to supply their army. They were told they would be considered enemies if they refused. Ardon, being at a decent age was told to fight with them along with his father and uncle. Ardon acccepted but knew it wasn't really his choice.
On that same night, His father had packed some food and water for him. His father told him that they were leaving that night and to pack some things. At first Ardon hesitated, knowing what may happen if they try to escape, then Fredrick came into the house holding a sack over his shoulder. Ardon didn't want to kill others without reason and his father and uncle thought the same. Soon they had fled to into the night hoping they won't be followed. Soon they arrived at a small port city on another island where it seemed to be heavily gaurded themselves and best of all, not involved in any wars. While there his father worked as a shop assistant but made little money. Ardon thought that he could get a better home for his family and more food. He decided to work at a bookstore where he would put books on a shelf and copy others. When he turned 22 Ardon thought it was time he traveled around and explore new places. He fell asleep, in his room, while writing a letter to his family about leaving. His sister found the letter and had replaced it with the one she wrote for him. Ardon decided to keep it as he thought his family would only be with him if he had the letter. One the day he left he saw that his Parents were waving him goodbye, his mother's eyes with tears and his father seemed sad but accepted his son's decision. His sister smiled at him and yelled at him to flip the letter when he arrived at his new home. Ardon was 24 when he had arrived at the new land he stepped down, took a deep breath, and walked toward his new future.
Capabilities:
-Archery(Competent level)
-Comabat( hand to hand )(novice level)
-Trap making(competent level)
Items: He carries around a medium sized money pouch(full), a letter from his sister, a quill, and a small knife.
Additional Comments: Would a player be able to roleplay as another player's character's sibling( they know eathother or the other player approved of such thing)?
#2
Hello warrior, I'm Leaf, who'll be reviewing your application. I apologize for the late reply, but I was rather held up by IRL issues.

But enough of that, let's get right down to business.

-=oOo=-

I'm going to separate my review into three major issues I find on your app; this part here is going to be on lore.

Where are we?: Basically, there aren't any relations to the lore, and well, your character's backstory could have happened in any medieval setting, which isn't really that ideal. I suggest you read the lore of our server here and add events and certain characteristics characteristic of our setting into your story.

Here at the Forbidden Lands: In addition to that, your character needs to end up coming to the Forbidden Lands, as that is where every one of our characters are.

-=oOo=-

Next up is realism and elaboration.

Given away at birth: Remember that a child needs his mother at least for the initial years of his life. Being given away at birth, which not only makes the character of the parents questionable, but it also would definitely be a traumatic experience for the child. I suggest you change this little bit in the story.

Training Uncle: You mention in the story that the uncle, who isn't named, is a man who devoted his entire life to 'training'. I'd like to know what kind of training he did that makes it possible for him to be well versed in so many things like fighting, farming, trading, and such.

Also in relation to this, I'd like to ask if the uncle was so devoted to training, why he would be so concerned on getting a better business. Please elaborate on him.

Sneaking: I find it rather confusing that Ardon would feel the need to sneak from the town to his house when his uncle was apparently a trader of sorts and was in town to seek better business. Maybe you could give a better reason for him learning the skill?

-=oOo=-

And now we move on to the skills section.

Skills: Well, as of the moment, your skills don't really conform with the format we ask for from our applicants. I suggest you take a look at our skill guide here, and edit accordingly.

-=oOo=-

I think that's it for now, please edit the things I pointed out, and bump the thread when you're done.
#3
Bump:
-Attempted to connect backstory to lore
-removed skills
-Hopefully fixed some problems
#4
Hello warrior, it's time for round two. But before we go into that, another player can play as another player's character's sibling if the two know have agreed to it, but the other player will have to create another app for that sibling.

-=oOo=-

So for round two, I'll give you just the two major points that I want you to fix. We can get into the smaller things after you've done them.

Skills: I have to ask you to read our skill guide once more. We are not only asking what the character can and cannot do, but how well he can do them, as supported by his backstory. Take note of the format and the skill levels we provide in the guide and edit accordingly.

The link to our skill guide is: http://www.mesalia.net/forum/showthread....40#pid2840

Lore: I still don't see any relations to the lore whatsoever. Remember that you have to have mention of certain events that have happened, and have to include certain characteristics that are unique to our setting. Such events include the Civil Wars, the reopening of the portal, and so on.

Please read the lore of our setting once again and edit your story accordingly.

The link to the lore of our setting is: http://www.mesalia.net/lore.html

-=oOo=-

That's the two things I want you to fix for now, bump the thread when you're done.
#5
Bump- Apollogies, I believed I had listened to your advice but I misunderstood, I hope I did not cause any frustration.
-hopefully last time this problem happens
  


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[Trashed] Application- warrior840200