30-01-2016, 04:57 PM
[dir=ltr]Hello, Clazzy. I'm Hutchy and I'll be helping you through whitelisting.
Your backstory needs more relation to the setting’s lore, which can be found here. There needs to be some relation to the lore to help us see how and why this character fits into the setting. What impact did the Civil War have on his home, his family? Does his family bear a grudge because of the slavery? Please elaborate on this.
Your character’s backstory doesn't do a lot to explain personal growth over his life. The backstory needs to show more description of how he was as a child, how he was through adolescence and then into adulthood. It is necessary that we see how the character has changed over the years before arriving in the setting. Please work on this. In addition, we ask that a paragraph describing the character’s personality be added to help us judge it’s realism. If you’re having trouble writing this, the Character Sheets forum is a good place to start.
Your character’s skills need to be worked on, and it’s current layout makes it difficult to understand the ‘level’ of his skills. I recommend that you read this guide and evaluate the layout of this section.
A couple things need to change and be removed, those things being:
There are no railroads in Mesalia.
There is also nowhere in the setting actually called Mesalia, the two land masses I think you mean to be referring to are the Mainland and the Forbidden Lands. The Forbidden Lands are where your character should end up at the end of their backstory and are almost entirely unmapped.[/dir][dir=ltr] [/dir]That's all for now. Bump this thread when you have finished the necessary edits and we can continue.
Your backstory needs more relation to the setting’s lore, which can be found here. There needs to be some relation to the lore to help us see how and why this character fits into the setting. What impact did the Civil War have on his home, his family? Does his family bear a grudge because of the slavery? Please elaborate on this.
Your character’s backstory doesn't do a lot to explain personal growth over his life. The backstory needs to show more description of how he was as a child, how he was through adolescence and then into adulthood. It is necessary that we see how the character has changed over the years before arriving in the setting. Please work on this. In addition, we ask that a paragraph describing the character’s personality be added to help us judge it’s realism. If you’re having trouble writing this, the Character Sheets forum is a good place to start.
Your character’s skills need to be worked on, and it’s current layout makes it difficult to understand the ‘level’ of his skills. I recommend that you read this guide and evaluate the layout of this section.
A couple things need to change and be removed, those things being:
There are no railroads in Mesalia.
There is also nowhere in the setting actually called Mesalia, the two land masses I think you mean to be referring to are the Mainland and the Forbidden Lands. The Forbidden Lands are where your character should end up at the end of their backstory and are almost entirely unmapped.[/dir][dir=ltr] [/dir]That's all for now. Bump this thread when you have finished the necessary edits and we can continue.