[Icarus]

<align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><color option="#cc3333" style="color: #cc3333;"><size option="large" style="font-size:large">Attention Please!</size></color></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><size option="large" style="font-size:large">Before I start, I just wanted to say that I saw the lore of this server and messed around for a bit, and I'm absolutely in love with it. Since I loved it so much, I thought I'd add a note here so people don't get confused.</size></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><size option="large" style="font-size:large">I decided to change the character application format a little bit, and I will gladly change it if that's a problem, and truly sorry if it matters. I will include anything that was needed in the forum again, just in a different type of format.</size></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><size option="large" style="font-size:large">Also, please excuse my grammar and spelling mistakes, I learned English myself home, and live in a country that does not speak English as a mother language.</size></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><size option="large" style="font-size:large">Now, we can start!</size></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><size option="large" style="font-size:large"><img src="http://images.clipartpanda.com/divider-clipart-big-blue-divider.svg">http://images.clipartpanda.com/divider-clipart-big-blue-divider.svg</img></size></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><size option="large" style="font-size:large">In game name: <color option="#ff6666" style="color: #ff6666;">Penguenos</color></size></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><size option="large" style="font-size:large">How did you find out about us?: <color option="#ff6699" style="color: #ff6699;">I was searching through Minecraft Forums, and I stumbled upon this post talking about a whitelisted roleplaying server, so I searched a bit more and got the website, read the lore, and got excited. Now I'm in.</color></size></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><size option="large" style="font-size:large">About you: <color option="#ff6666" style="color: #ff6666;">I would like to describe myself as a very self-confident and trust-worthy person, not saying to make myself look like a good guy. I really hear that people appreciate my black humor and self-trust because I seem to make everybody around a little more relaxed, which makes the world a tad better for me to know that I'm not completely useless. </color></size></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><size option="large" style="font-size:large"><color option="#ff6666" style="color: #ff6666;">I would say that I'm not very responsible with stuff that I don't give a toot about, but I do see the potential of a very responsible and mature person in myself if it's needed. If it's not needed, who can say no to jokes?</color></size></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><size option="large" style="font-size:large"><color option="#ff6666" style="color: #ff6666;">I really love and care about stuff that I'm into, such as my hobbies, my family, and sometimes my friends.</color></size></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><size option="large" style="font-size:large"><color option="#ff6666" style="color: #ff6666;">I don't see myself as that good of a person though, it just wouldn't be myself if I could erase someone out of this world.</color></size></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><size option="large" style="font-size:large"><color option="#ff6666" style="color: #ff6666;">I really hate unneeded drama and people who ruin stuff that could be good for others.</color></size></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><size option="large" style="font-size:large"><color option="#ff6666" style="color: #ff6666;">I'm very into roleplaying, especially if I can create my own character and have played on other servers like this before.</color></size></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><size option="large" style="font-size:large"><color option="#ff6666" style="color: #ff6666;">And heck, I had to leave this here, I love comedy.</color></size></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><size option="large" style="font-size:large"><color option="#ff6666" style="color: #ff6666;"><img src="http://pa1.narvii.com/6272/146bf17cbcb71b2d247e69650d6dab1ba5ea64a2_hq.gif">http://pa1.narvii.com/6272/146bf17cbcb71b2d247e69650d6dab1ba5ea64a2_hq.gif</img></color></size></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><size option="large" style="font-size:large"><color option="#ff6666" style="color: #ff6666;"><img src="https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/marvelfansunite/images/9/99/Divider-vict.png/revision/latest?cb=20140727070933">https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/marvelfansunite/images/9/99/Divider-vict.png/revision/latest?cb=20140727070933</img></color></size></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://fontmeme.com/permalink/171021/6f1cb77709dfd3a2019f10869b36bdb8.png">https://fontmeme.com/permalink/171021/6f1cb77709dfd3a2019f10869b36bdb8.png</img></align><br />
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<align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://fontmeme.com/permalink/171021/a40a71221efcbfb23eab54ce019e3d6c.png">https://fontmeme.com/permalink/171021/a40a71221efcbfb23eab54ce019e3d6c.png</img></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><color option="#663366" style="color: #663366;"><size option="large" style="font-size:large">Age: </size></color><color option="#33ffff" style="color: #33ffff;"><size option="large" style="font-size:large">19</size></color></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><color option="#663366" style="color: #663366;"><size option="large" style="font-size:large">Gender: </size></color><color option="#33ffff" style="color: #33ffff;"><size option="large" style="font-size:large">Male</size></color></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><color option="#663366" style="color: #663366;"><size option="large" style="font-size:large">Appearance: </size></color><size option="large" style="font-size:large"><color option="#33ffff" style="color: #33ffff;">Lincoln is a 7'1 foot tall man, with black, straight hair and big blue eyes. His skin is light, and he's slim, not being very buff like many others from his kind. He wears glasses and usually a scarf that was made by his mother and black clothes.</color></size></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><size option="large" style="font-size:large"><color option="#33ffff" style="color: #33ffff;">He carries a smile of boredom, smirks, and snorts of the wish of pranking people. He usually tries not to show his serious depressed part out, so even if his smile was always there, he'd always carry sorrowing, exhausted blue eyes.</color></size></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><size option="large" style="font-size:large"><color option="#33ffff" style="color: #33ffff;"><img src="https://i.pinimg.com/736x/cb/71/78/cb7178253a8088971a8dcb288d89910d--anime-love-hot-anime.jpg">https://i.pinimg.com/736x/cb/71/78/cb7178253a8088971a8dcb288d89910d--anime-love-hot-anime.jpg</img></color></size></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><size option="large" style="font-size:large">Personality: <color option="#33ffff" style="color: #33ffff;">Lincoln would consider life as meaningless, same with war, racism between kingdoms, and such stuff. That's the reason he likes comedy, usually cracking puns and messing around with people, practically seeing life as a joke.</color></size></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><size option="large" style="font-size:large"><color option="#33ffff" style="color: #33ffff;">He could joke about the most horrific things going on in the present days, and could probably get at least someone to laugh.</color></size></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><size option="large" style="font-size:large"><color option="#33ffff" style="color: #33ffff;">He's very into maths and would describe his choices as rational, no matter how goofy he is.</color></size></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><size option="large" style="font-size:large"><color option="#33ffff" style="color: #33ffff;">He's somewhat into swordsmanship and personally uses one in battle. </color></size></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><size option="large" style="font-size:large"><color option="#33ffff" style="color: #33ffff;">The other interesting ability of Lincoln is to be able to create custom items such as making his custom-designed weapons, maybe a grappling hook in a few weeks, or a crossbow in two months if he can find the ingredients.</color></size></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><size option="large" style="font-size:large"><color option="#33ffff" style="color: #33ffff;">He's very into the history of Lucins and their aquakinesis, seeing how the flow of water fits Lincoln's life logic.</color></size></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><size option="large" style="font-size:large"> </size><size option="x-large" style="font-size:x-large">Backstory: <color option="#33ffff" style="color: #33ffff;">Lincoln was born in a street alley, his original mother being a Mesalian that was known as a Lucin in the war of Veld. After years, she was killed just like Lincoln's father when Lincoln was around five by a Xitian, leaving his son alone with step parents. He was later on sent to schools that his step-parents would care to afford until he attacked one of them but was beaten down and thrown out of his house.</color></size></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><size option="x-large" style="font-size:x-large"><color option="#33ffff" style="color: #33ffff;">Scared alone in the streets, he wandered around for three years, learning the ways of outside world and such other skills such as controlling a sword that was left from his mother, which was a Lucin model that was given to him the day he was thrown out. After three years when he was nineteen, he stumbled upon a stranger that took him into a boat and lead him to a town that was known by its curse. . .</color></size></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><size option="x-large" style="font-size:x-large">Capabilities: <color option="#33ffff" style="color: #33ffff;">Lincoln is known to be a slim but sneaky swordsman that was known by his acrobacy, usually into parkour and martial arts. He usually has a better understanding of animals and communicating to those who he met, as well as being able to do good stunts unlike a normal Mesalian could do. He is very good with comedy as well, and ain't laughter the best skill?</color></size></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><size option="x-large" style="font-size:x-large">Items: <color option="#33ffff" style="color: #33ffff;">Lincoln carries a Lucin sword, and a backpack filled with Mesalian currency that he gained from his jobs in the three years. He also carries a basic scientific kit that helps him on his inventions as he's very skilled from what he learned in three years. He could create a rope thrower that would surround his target in around a few days, making him a potential inventor which helps him make his own weapons from the materials he finds.</color></size></align><br />
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<align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><size option="x-large" style="font-size:x-large">Additional Comments: <color option="#33ffff" style="color: #33ffff;">Just leaving this out here, this is the best thing I could come up with without anyone negotiating with me. I would be glad to remove or add some stuff to my character, as long as it doesn't destroy who he is.</color></size></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><size option="x-large" style="font-size:x-large"><color option="#33ffff" style="color: #33ffff;">Welp, I hope you enjoyed this character.</color></size></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><size option="x-large" style="font-size:x-large"><color option="#33ffff" style="color: #33ffff;">Have a dopy-puppy-sloppy day.</color></size></align> <align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><size option="x-large" style="font-size:x-large"><color option="#33ffff" style="color: #33ffff;"><img src="http://www.clker.com/cliparts/f/L/B/A/1/D/hummingbird-with-transparent-background.svg">http://www.clker.com/cliparts/f/L/B/A/1/D/hummingbird-with-transparent-background.svg</img></color></size></align>

[Hutchy]

Hello, Icarus. I'm Hutchy and I'll be helping you through whitelisting.

I must ask that you follow our application format, found here. It makes is easy to quickly reference and find information we need at a glance without having to dig.

I need to bring to your attention the vagueness of your character's race with phrases such as 'not being very buff like many others of his kind'. I've read through the app and I can't tell whether he's a Mesalian or a Lucin. This must be made clear, but a first-time applicant cannot make a Lucin or Xitian character.

I need bring to attention the height of your character. While it's not necessarily impossible for a character to be tall, even by today's standards, a height of 7'1 is not likely without some reasoning. We do have one character in that height range on the server, but that is due to a serious genetic defect with its own problems. I'm not asking that you make them shorter (even if I do recommend it), but that you realise that a person that height is extremely unlikely to be healthy and stay healthy, will have a lot of trouble in a setting where the average height is much shorter than his and, speaking from personal experience, he'll have a lot of trouble performing day to day tasks as another of a more 'normal' height might. Seriously take these points, and the consequences of such ungainly height and proportions, into consideration when you make your edits.

Alright, first things first, I need to see more relation to the servers lore, which can be found here.  Being 20, he'll have been born shortly before the Civil War ended. Make sure to make mention of these and following events in your character's backstory. Speaking of backstory, it needs to end with either your character arriving in or travelling to where the setting takes place. For ease of reference, it's a town called Nightveil.

his original mother being a Mesalian that was known as a Lucin in the war of Veld.

I'm not entirely sure what this means, was she confused as being a Lucin, or was there some confusion around Lucins and Mesalians? Lucins can be be confused with Mesalians with blue eyes, but the wording here needs a little tweaking.

After years, she was killed just like Lincoln's father when Lincoln was around five by a Xitian

A few things here, we need to know how many years we're talking about here, and elsewhere, so we can keep track of his age through the backstory. Also we've not heard anything of Lincoln's father until now, a brief word of when he died will fix this problem.

until he attacked one of them

I have to ask for some detail here, it seems to have lead to a few important details in his growth and came quite out of left field.

As for his next three years, I'll need some details of where he stayed, if anywhere, who taught him how to use a sword and how he got the sword if he was thrown out, and what these 'other such skills' are. Also on swords, there is no real 'Lucin model' of swords. Currently accepted lore is that Mesalians, Lucins and Xitians all use the same style of swords, which are almost exclusively European longswords.

Can't speak for the character, but getting on a boat with someone on a several months journey to an out-of-the-way cursed town will never seem like a good idea. There are commonly trading ships that will carry passengers to Nightveil, which is how almost all characters arrive in the setting. If you choose to keep the story as is, I need you to give us a reason why Lincoln trusts this total stranger.

Your character’s backstory doesn't do a lot to explain personal growth over his life. The backstory needs to show more description of how he was as a child, how he was through adolescence and then into adulthood, basically how he came to be as you described in the character's personality. It is necessary that we see how the character has changed over the years before arriving in the setting.

Finally, I need you to change up your character's skill section to be more in line with our skill guide, found here. Be sure yo post them as described and to keep in mind your character's age and circumstances when deciding what skills he'll have and what level they are.


That's all for this round. Please post again in this thread when you've made your edits and we'll continue. By the way, bonus brownie points if you highlight your changes in a different colour.

[Icarus]

Thanks so much! I really was hoping I'd get someone to help me, because I've never been in a roleplay server with custom lore before, so I can admit the story was probably not well written.
Don't worry though, your advice and points will be well considered in my new post I make!
If I was not supposed to make a new post, then I'm sorry about that too, but I guess that won't matter after I make it
STILL
Well, thanks again for helping me.
Have a fabu-full day!

[Hutchy]

Trashed due to inactivuty. Feel free to reapply.