21-02-2013, 02:03 AM
Entry 1:
I'm beginning to suspect that slowly and slowly everyone in the group is growing to hate me, this happens every time I come out of my shell. People see what I can be like and then hate me for it, that's why Katie always yelled at me, and why I grew so subdued...
But I can see it happening, first Ezri hates me for simply taking a room, I heard her talking to Zark about it earlier.
And now the doctor hates me too when I simply wanted to question the hooded person, he freaked out and cut his hand on my arrow even though I wasn't going to shoot him.. Anyway, he took off, then I was simply sitting on the stairs in the belltower, mixing the Aloe Vera to make cream so that no one would burn in the desert. I heard more yelling behind me and it was the Doctor, yelling at Con and Myself about what happened to the hooded man.
Long story short the Doctor and Con and various other people flooded to the Medical house where the hooded man ran into. So now I can only assume that the Doctor has made everyone believe that I am a threat, when I'm not, I just...* There are wet splodges on the page* I want to do my part for the group, and when I try to I get yelled at, and when I don't do anything I still get yelled at.. I chose to date someone I like, and I get yelled at, I seclude myself from everyone else and I get whined at.
I hate this... so much, this group, ...I'm starting to hate it, and everyone with it..
I think.. regardless of the yelling, I'm going back into my shell, let people yell at me, let them hit me, let them stab me, let them ridicule me, they can't do anymore damage than they have already done, I'm broken beyond repair inside, and no one will ever fix me... not even Xemnes or Rev.
That reminds me, I am still wondering, is being with Rev the best thing... I have told him, that if he doesn't keep promises and show his true feelings, then I will leave him.. but i don't want to threaten him like that... I don't want him to hate me.. but at the same time, I don't want the group to hate me either.. so, the only solution is this, lock myself in my shell once again, like when I first joined this group of madmen/women if I'm in my shell, I can't hurt or annoy anyone...
I'm beginning to suspect that slowly and slowly everyone in the group is growing to hate me, this happens every time I come out of my shell. People see what I can be like and then hate me for it, that's why Katie always yelled at me, and why I grew so subdued...
But I can see it happening, first Ezri hates me for simply taking a room, I heard her talking to Zark about it earlier.
And now the doctor hates me too when I simply wanted to question the hooded person, he freaked out and cut his hand on my arrow even though I wasn't going to shoot him.. Anyway, he took off, then I was simply sitting on the stairs in the belltower, mixing the Aloe Vera to make cream so that no one would burn in the desert. I heard more yelling behind me and it was the Doctor, yelling at Con and Myself about what happened to the hooded man.
Long story short the Doctor and Con and various other people flooded to the Medical house where the hooded man ran into. So now I can only assume that the Doctor has made everyone believe that I am a threat, when I'm not, I just...* There are wet splodges on the page* I want to do my part for the group, and when I try to I get yelled at, and when I don't do anything I still get yelled at.. I chose to date someone I like, and I get yelled at, I seclude myself from everyone else and I get whined at.
I hate this... so much, this group, ...I'm starting to hate it, and everyone with it..
I think.. regardless of the yelling, I'm going back into my shell, let people yell at me, let them hit me, let them stab me, let them ridicule me, they can't do anymore damage than they have already done, I'm broken beyond repair inside, and no one will ever fix me... not even Xemnes or Rev.
That reminds me, I am still wondering, is being with Rev the best thing... I have told him, that if he doesn't keep promises and show his true feelings, then I will leave him.. but i don't want to threaten him like that... I don't want him to hate me.. but at the same time, I don't want the group to hate me either.. so, the only solution is this, lock myself in my shell once again, like when I first joined this group of madmen/women if I'm in my shell, I can't hurt or annoy anyone...
![[Image: tumblr_mao9ydEMAG1qlqubpo1_400.gif]](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mao9ydEMAG1qlqubpo1_400.gif)