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[Trashed] Lasteline sinnis
#1
(IGN): taylorx20

Why do you want to join?:
I would like to join because i miss DnD. before a month or two ago me and my friends got together once a week and played Dungeons and dragons but as of late we don't play it nearly as frequently. i love DnD and role playing in general so i was shown this by a friend and i thought i would like to give mesalia a try.

Do you have any role playing experience?:
yes, i have boon playing Dungeons and Dragons for a few years now and the people i play with tell me i am a decent role player. I also used to play world of Warcraft and am well versed in its lore, leading me to believe i would be able to learn mesalia lore quickly and make decisions in game based on my characters view and not my own.

Tell us a bit about yourself:
In real life my name is Taylor Hadfield. i am currently attending high school in Newfoundland Canada where i play hockey and am on a robotics team. i play several games like starcraft, league of legends, world of Warcraft, mine craft, DnD, battlefield, halo and ftl, etc. i like to play role playing games, action games and strategy games. i like to play paintball and air soft. i don't like games were i have to mechanically grind things like killing mobs or collecting loot, i also don't like pay to win games.

Your character biography:
Name: Lasteline Sinnis
Gender: Female
Race: mesalian
Age: 34
Birthday: 14th
Height: 5'7"
Weight: 129lbs/58.5kg
Personality: makes friends easily, sociopathic, new to this area because she had to escape her second husband and because of this she asks alot of questions whenever she meets people just so she can get to know who they are and how best to use them too her needs. Lasteline has a constant hate for xitian because of what they did to her family, she now hunts them as an apprentice for the silver order
Back story: Lastelines village was raided by Xitians when she was 4, her mother was taken with them and her father killed. lasteline was found by a caravan of mesalians making their way to the forbidden lands. on the way there Lasteline made a friend called tom. tom was a boy a little older than she with amber hair and red eyes, his mother only let him take off his shaded glasses and hood when he was in a secluded area to play with lasteline.
almost a year passed until the caravan got to the forbidden lands, Lasteline was loved by all as an adorable little girl. when the caravan reached the checkpoint set up by the guards everyone was strip searched without issue until several hours later when they searched lasteline and let her through, then they let toms mother through but then the guards started shouting. toms mother screamed and ran at the guards only to be restrained and taken away while Lasteline, now alone had to watch as the guards dismembered a little boy with amber hair like his mothers and bright red eyes like his fathers.
After tom died Lasteline fled into the woods nearby. Alone. no idea where she was and no idea where to go. Lasteline lived for two months in the woods, in that time she didn't find anyone and lived off of animals already killed by capable predators not long gone. At the end of that two month hell Lasteline finally found a village where she was taken in by strange men and woman with blue eyes she later found out were lucin people because at the time she couldn't read let alone know what a lucin was.
Lasteline soon was inducted into the local orphanage, there were many children there that were refugees from raiding groups of xitians terrorizing the mainland. Lasteline continued at the orphanage learning, training, ogling boys with the other girls until one day, almost 9 years later when Lasteline was 14 a couple of boys walked up the her. Lasteline met them, one being a boy she liked called lorid asked her if she wanted to get revenge for her parents. the boys said that they heard their teachers talking about a xitian camp almost just outside of the city! at last, she could have revenge. Lasteline met with the boys later on that night and found that Lorid had gathered many of the boys from her orphanage as well as some girls, 26 in total and even though most of them were armed with kitchen knives and pots and pans these kids were ready to fight. and hour later the kids were surrounding the camp. Lorid had somehow managed to be right next to Lasteline in the circle. they touched and Lorid grabbed Lasteline and kissed her, proclaiming that they would be married if they made it through this and Lasteline was starstruck into saying yes. One of the older boys on the opposite side of the ridge at that moment screamed "CHARGE!" and like a whirlpool the children descended on the camp of 5 xitian getting ready for sleep. the battle lasted about 90 seconds with children falling left and right until only Lasteline, Lorid and about three others remained. the other three tried to flee but were cut down in one fell strike by the battleaxe of one of the xitian. lasteline was next to Lorid as the very same axe came down, embedding itself into her shoulder and knocking her out instantly. when Lasteline woke up she was in bed, very pale and leaning on the bed was a long black object. Lasteling painfully managed to pick it up only to find that it was a bow made of what looked to be black stone and light as a feather. Lasteline asked for water and her teacher ran in and exclaimed that she was alive, more people came in with weathered looks and told her that she had been asleep for almost 3 months from all of the blood that she had lost. the first thing Lasteline asked was is lorid alive? to which the teacher started crying and exclaiming she is the only one left. Lasteline finished school at the orphanage, focusing on her schooling and training to deal with the stress of survivors guilt. the town, molength expanded swiftly in the coming years, becoming a trade hub from people in the forbidden lands and the mainland. as Molength expanded it reached the ocean thereby opening up a massive dock for goods to flow back and forth from the mainland. Lasteline was unable to find a place to stay after the orphanage. every once in a while Lasteline would be able to trick someone into letting her stay at there house and after she had gone she would come back and steal all of their valuable to sell. this mundane trickery continued for four years until she heard of an especially wealthy man moving into town, he moved in because of a rumored civil war on the mainland and he wanted to get away from it. the mans name was arthas summersong and he controlled a massive faction at war with another faction on the mainland called terethas and the forlorn brothers respectively. Lasteline saw this as an opportunity to become wealthy and get off of the street. Lasteline broke into a medium sized house, cleaned herself up and then went out to meet arthas. Lasteline and arthas instantly hit it off with his family loving the mysterious olive skinned lady from the forbidden lands. Lasteline became fabulously wealthy and lived with arthas for eight years having two children in the process. in that eight years Arthas won the civil war and was in a new one, this time with the warren brood who were a mix of human and xitians. one day whilst taking care of her kids Lasteline was approached by a man with amber hair and red eyes that named himself ruby. Ruby gave Lasteline an ultimatum, he said "kill your husband for us and we will marry you to our leader jeoffry who is our leader or die". Lasteline reacted with speed and took a kitchen knife but instead of stabbing this half xitian she mercilessly cut her kids throats and went upstairs to wait for her husband, leaving Ruby in shock that someone could be so cold. Ruby than composed himself and went to hide and wait to see if Lasteline would kill Arthas. later on that night Ruby an Lasteline were on the way to a ship off the forbidden lands to the mainland. After the long journey Lasteline and Ruby finally arrived on the mainland where jeoffry was waiting for them. "hah! your brought he back after all this time" jeoffry said to Ruby, Ruby responded with true fear, an emotion Lasteline had not seen him exibit "lord i tried but the journey there took longer than expecAHHHHA!" Ruby screamed and then was silent all for a slight gurgle coming from the crimsoned steel dagger protruding from under his chin. as this was the kind of of brutality Lasteline had to witness for the next 7 years, leading her to become even more recluse but she made many friends around the faction untill one day while she was sitting on her throne next to the kings the king called in a man at least 9 foot tall, the closer she looked it appeared he was more xitian than man. jeoffry told Lasteline "my love, let this be a testimate to my love and a sacrifice to the unnamed!" Lasteline watched as jeoffry had his slaves wheel a ballista towards the beast while it screamed in agony as more slaves held it down. this spectacle was the last straw for Lasteline, she came to the realization that she could get away with enough wealth to live a happy life and that it would be best for her to get away that night. later on that night she used her connections that she had made in those years to figure out a way for her escape, it just so happened that this way was a rebellion inside of the faction was going to attack jeoffrys stronghold that night. at midnight Lasteline climbed down the side of the fortress and was led by one of the rebels, one that loved her but she was in capable of emotion. the rebels name was sillithid. sillithid was there when Ruby brought her off of the boat, ever since he had set his eyes on her he had loved her. Lasteline climbed on his horse and as sillithid was climbing on Lasteline sped off as she had no time for someone to slow her down. when Lasteline reached the docks there was just a rickety old and battered battleship in the harbor. when she approached she was rushed on and then her and some rebels set sail for the forbidden lands, the only place where she would be safe. the sea was particularly rough when the old battleship was coming to land, so rough in fact that the ship hit a rock and forcing the crew to abandon all of there loot on board. when they hit shore everyone went there separate ways and so did Lasteline. when lasteine rested for the first night in the wilderness in 30 years she saw the light of a village in the distance, she chose to keep moving. when Lasteline reached the town she found many bodies in the streets along with two xitians eating a body. when she approached one let out a blood curdling war cry and charged at her, only to be shot through the head by an unnamed arrow. after seeing his comrades fate the other fled. what approached Lasteline was not what she expected, Lasteline expected a large man wielding a long bow but instead she met a women in dark and silver clothing holding out a small crossbow. the women approached and said "don't worry child, you are safe now" the women brought her to a camp with others like her. the women said "you may call me Mallory" she followed up with "we are xitian hunters in the silver order and we are looking for more to add to our number, after you rest we would like you to join our rank" "why me?' Lasteline said, wondering about how she could attain the power this women wielded. then Mallory said, with a fiendish look in her eyes
"so you can get revenge for your parents"
Description:
Skin: Lasteline has smooth beautiful olive colored skin that varies in shade from place to place with a long scar from halfway down her neck to her shoulder.
Hair: Lastelines hair is thick and dirty blond and stretches down to her hips
Eyes: Lasteline has intelligent teal colored eyes that always look completely detached or void of emotion no matter that the fake mood. her eyes are her one true "Tell"
Lips: Lastelines hips aren't that much different from the rest of her skin, just a lighter colored green


Facial structure: soft round face with high cheekbones and a small nose.
Body structure: Lasteline is slightly taller than normal with a very toned body from years of self maintenance. Lastelines right arm is also about an inch longer than her left.
Clothing: Lasteline wears red shorts and a red shirts with teal and silver colored chain mail ordained with teal gemstones in places. Lasteline also wears a dark green cape with red and black boots.


Personal items:
crimson steel dagger from her second husband
chain mail chest plate
flint and tinder integrated into a slot in her chain mail
an ebony bow from a xitian in the camp her and her friends attacked
a small gold nugget from her mother that she gave her before she was taken away


Major Skills:
Athletic-climbing: competent/average, from her hunting xitians and her second husband was obsessed with climbing steep mountains
Social-Deception: master, Lasteline lived on the streets mostly, needing to use peoples emotions against them to survive until she got married.
social-persuasion:advanced/skilled, Lasteline was naturally adept at persuading people to her point of view. this is shown by her being able to pursuade one wealthy man to marry her and then making enough connections to help her disappear from her second husband
stealth-lock picking: apprentice/easy,Lasteline know the basics of lock picking and uses them every know and again for simple locks to get quick food or money
stealth-pick pocketing: advanced/adept, Lasteline lived on the streets of molength for a while, needing to use her looks or swiftness to get into rich individuals pockets in order to survive

minor skills:
metalworking, doesn't have the endurance for a blacksmith but can fix metal and machine parts from liquid metal and molds




Stamina: 8/10 (high stamina from maintenance and all of her years of hunting powerful xitians
pain tolerance 9/10 (her emotions aren't very developed, if in pain she can just tune it out most of the time)
Healing time 5/10 (getting older, takes more time to heal)
#2
Hello, Taylor. I'm Hutchy, and I'll be helping you through the whitelisting process.
  • Your backstory needs more detail and relation to the server lore, which can be found here. Lore relation helps us judge how well they character will fit into the setting, and the overall backstory lets us gauge if they are a believable character and, again, how they fit into the setting. I recommend that you take a look at previous, accepted applications and/or character sheets to help you get a better idea of how it should look and read.

    In addition, we need a more detailed path through the backstory, the character’s age at certain events being an example of this.
  • Your character’s backstory doesn't do a lot to explain personal growth over her life. The backstory needs to show more description of how she was as a child, how she was through adolescence and then into adulthood. It is necessary that we see how the character has changed over the years before arriving in the setting.
    It seems her adult life has been entirely redacted from the present backstory. We need these details. Please work on this.
  • Additionally, the personality section could do with some fleshing out. This, as well as the backstory, lets us know that you know the character. When you add further detail to the backstory, it can help you accomplish this.
  • Details of her backstory, such as five husbands and Xitian hunting, has been left out of the bio section. All these details must be presented in the backstory, and the backstory should give us reason to believe that she has trained in or developed these skills to such a degree. Further information can be found in the skill guide here. Please work on this in your edits.

That's all for this round, bump the thread when you have made any alterations and we can proceed.
#3
Bumped
#4
Alright, Taylor, next round.
  • Your app is still lacking sufficient relation to the server’s lore. At the age of 34, she will have been around to witness much of the Civil Wars which were very active and visible through much of the Main Continent. This is a good place for you to start adding the necessary relation to the lore.
  • ‘Lastelines village was raided by Xitians when she was 4’ Two things here. Whole not much may have happened in the meantime, we need to see what happened in her earliest years. Also, was there any motivation for this raid? While the character may not have known, or even understood, we need these details. Please elaborate.
  • ‘lasteline was found by a caravan of mesalians making their way to the forbidden lands’ You need more detail here. Was she found in the raided town, did she somehow escape from the Xitians? Please elaborate.
    Also, the Forbidden Lands are across a body of water from the Main Continent, to make it there they would have to secure passage on a boat.
  • ‘his mother only let him take off his shaded glasses’ Please bear in mind the medievalesque period the server is set in. Glasses cannot have shaded of tinted lenses.
  • ‘almost a year passed until the caravan got to the forbidden lands’ Again, we need more detail here, just how did they make it there? As before, note that to get there they must cross an ocean, which from most places would take at least 3 months from most places.
  • ‘when the caravan reached the checkpoint set up by the guards everyone was strip searched without issue until several hours later when they searched lasteline and let her through,’ I’m not sure what to make of this, but it seems like you’re implying the Forbidden Lands has a border control. Far from the truth, it’s quite simple to sail over and land in a town or on a beach. This situation is very unlikely, especially the modernism of this search. Please revise this, and the following situation as necessary.
  • ‘no idea where she was and no idea where to go. Lasteline lived for two months in the woods, in that time she didn't find anyone and lived off of animals already killed by capable predators not long gone.’ This simply isn’t possible, a child of that age would have no chance alone for that long, even scavenging. At that age children are still heavily dependant on their parents for safety and nourishment. This needs to be revised.
  • ‘almost 9 years later’ We see a large time skip here with no description of events in that time. We need to know what happened in that time. Please elaborate.
  • ‘Lasteline met with the boys… 26 in total’ It’s unlikely that anyone, child or not, in their right mind would have the spine to tackle a camp of Xitians, the same beings that caused the Civil Wars, which at the time would still be raging in some places in the middle lands.
    Following on from this, it seems that it was forgotten that Xitians are capable of manipulating fire, earth and nether, all of these can be a challenge for a trained warrior to contend with, so being overtaken by children is highly unlikely, additionally, that the Xitians are going to bed is irrelevant when we know the children shouted ‘charge’ at the top of their lungs before rushing in, they would have been alerted.
  • ‘as the very same axe came down, embedding itself into her shoulder and knocking her out instantly’ This is not likely to happen. A child of her age’s build the arm would easily be cut off, and best case scenario she doesn’t bleed out or die from shock.
  • ‘when Lasteline woke up she was in bed, very pale and leaning on the bed’ As before, we need the details. How did she get here and/or who brought them?
  • ‘Lasteling painfully managed to pick it up only to find that it was a bow made of what looked to be black stone and light as a feather’ There are several problems with this. First is that this bow suddenly appears. Where did it come from? Also, a bow simply cannot be made out of stone, and no wood resembles stone in that way, nor would it be that light. Please revise.
  • ‘told her that she had been asleep for almost 3 months from all of the blood that she had lost.’ This simply is not possible, to keep a body stable for this amount of time these days is a challenge, please remember that this is a medievalesque setting. After a day or two she’d likely be tossed into a pit with the sewage and called dead. Even if it were possible, there’s no two ways about it, losing that much blood would be fatal.

That's it for this round, bump the thread again when you've made your edits and we'll continue.
#5
Trashed due to inactivity. Feel free to reapply.
  


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