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[Trashed] Application - Jujewb
#1
In Game Name (IGN): Jujewb

How did you find us? Reddit

About You: I'm 16, going into grade 11, and from Ontario, Canada. I enjoy a variety of games on different platforms, but Minecraft is likely the one I've been playing the longest. I have been a member of multiple roleplay communities, some on Minecraft, some not, and through them have discovered what kinds of characters/situations I thrive with. I've been looking for a decent roleplay server for a while now ever since my last roleplay server went incredibly heavy on mods, and Mesalia seems to fit the bill.

CHARACTER INFORMATION
Name: Kardel Vlaicu
Age: 40
Gender: Male

Appearance: Kardel is short and stocky, quite unnatractive, but well muscled, and overall quite gruff looking. His skin is weathered, and his hands calloused, along with various burn marks and scars. He wears engineers goggles and mitts, and dons his armor when heading out into the unknown

Personality: Kardel is generally a friendly man, albeit incredibly awkward. He has very little social skills, due to only having one other real person in his life from a young age. He is very accepting of other people, but is always afraid that the same cannot be said of whomever he is interacting with, and as such is quite shy. He enjoys being secluded, but appreciates the company of anyone whom he knows will not judge him harshly, and is quite generous with people like this.

Backstory: Kardel was a reject. Ever since birth he was seen as something of a freak. He was (quite literally) looked down upon by humans due to his stature and odd looks. Kardel spent many a night in tears, cursing his parents for bringing him into the world. Having tried to live with first his father, then his mother Kardel had had enough. He took off with only his clothes and a stolen loaf of bread.
Things turned around for Kardel. After his departure, he came across a cottage in the woods, drawn by the light piercing the darkness. All around him he could hear the gentle hisses and growls of beasts lurking in the dark, and nothing was ever more of a welcome sight then that cottage. Moving closer, he could see many beings around the house, and was then hit with the realization that they were not living creatures, but projected images. As Kardel approached, a short, stocky man emerged from the building and greeted him. "I must apologize for false pretences, the images are quite efficient at keeping the wild beasts at bay, as you can see I am in no condition for fighting, so I entrust my safety to my contraptions." He introduced himself as "The Tinker", which seemed an appropriate title for a man who even while meeting a stranger, was fiddling with some gizmo.

Kardel became the Tinker's apprentice, and learned the craft of creating wonders from scraps. He had found a place where he belonged, and enjoyed his life in the forest for many years. He learned to create and set traps, which meant he'd never have to leave the forest as all his nourishment could be satisfied. One day, the Tinker took to illness, and did not rise from his bed, Kardel stood by him for a while, reminiscing with the old tinker, and thanking him for the life he'd been given. The Tinker then opened a compartment and pulled forth a book, handing it to Kardel. In a strained voice he said "This is my entire life. You are the same as me, others cannot accept us, so we can create our own society. I shall not live to see my dream fulfilled, but perhaps you can achieve what I could not. Take this, it contains everything you'll need, laws for a civilization, blueprints for everything from a grand castle to a lowly peasant's hut. It will teach you the basics of trade and the economy, and most importantly, it will teach you how to win the favor of people. Don't end up like me Kardel, a lonesome old man with stars in his eyes." With tears in his eyes, Kardel took the book full of his master's knowledge, and hugged the old tinker. The next morning, the old tinker did not rise, But the new one did, determined to build his own society, accepting of all, Kardel donned his work gear and supplies, and began his work. He created a tomb for the tinker, to be guarded by a multitude of traps until the end of time should it remain undisturbed, and set out to seek his future.

Kardel ventured until he reached a village, and entered a tavern. He had not been in the lands of men since he was roughly 17. It was here he began chatting up some adventurers, and learned of what had happened to his homelands whilst he was living in his sheltered leafy home. Kardel had left his home just as the Mesalians had begun to quarrel with one another. This had led to him being picked on and roughed up more often, which ended up being the straw that broke the camel's back, causing him to flee. He received a rather quick summary of the nations history and it's current state, and also discovered many of the humans were looking for a new life in the "Forbidden Lands". H knew that thinks were tense before his departure, but he could have never imagined the devastation the land had suffered in his abscence. Upon hearing the sad tale of the middle realm, Kardel's resolve was fueled. The thought of his kin turning on one another going as far as it had confirmed his belief that the humans needed a strong capital of their own, where they could live in harmony, free of the feud which they had been drug into by the other races. As Kardel was seeking to create a new society, what better place than a vast and untouched frontier to begin? He bought passage on a ship to these lands after a while of searching for a voyage, and began to plan his actions once he arrived upon his destination. He would do the Tinker proud, he would do what he had done from the moment he had met the Tinker. Kardel would create.
(Please note this biography has been copied/pasted/edited to match server lore. Originally Kardel was a dwarf/human, but dwarves seem not to exist here. Kardel's backstory is my own work, and he is a character I have used many times over, and have grown quite attached to.)

Capabilities: Kardel can make something from nearly nothing, he is an incredibly skilled tinker, and is rarely found without a metallic gizmo in his hands. He has become quite an effective hunter, using his vast tinkering experience to create incredibly effective traps and snares. The book given to him by his master contains many recipes and tips for rune engineering, and he spends his free time learning an memorizing the pages of the book. Furthermore, he has very poor social skills, which leads to him being taken advantage of by merchants from time to time, and though he is strong, his fighting skills are less than adequate considering he has never had to fight an actual person since his youth. He has become quite effective with mining to gather the resources needed to fuel his tinkering, and also has become a somewhat accomplished architect, as anyone planning on creating a society must be.

So after giving it some thought I decided, Kardel has been working non-stop for about 23 years at most of these skills. This has led to him being an expert in engineering (specifically mechanical) Advanced at hunting and fishing (He had to feed himself and the old man for many years) Advanced in mining (he had to gather the resources to fuel both his and his master's tinkering for years) a competent at architecture (he'd have to build and repair multiple structures during his time with his master) I'd like him to start out with novice social skills. This is the development I'd like to focus on most in Kardel as I'd like his story to be about him becoming more and more competent with people, as far as communication and reading intentions are concerned.

Items: Pickaxe, axe, a small amount of iron and gold, and some necessary rations, alongside a bit of redstone (or runic dust as I believe they're called in the server lore.)
Additional Comments: Revised, added a bit more of how the server lore affected Kardel in his initial decision to run away, and how it strengthened his beliefs that humans need companionship with one another, not the other races. Through this I've also sown a seed of distrust that Kardel has towards the other races, opening up RP possibilities. I've also removed all traces of golems and focused kardel more on gaining the admiration of his fellow people instead of being content with robots. My apologies for the accidental advertisement, and I hope everything seems to be in order now. Once again, I'm eagerly awaiting your review, and my chance to join your server!
#2
Hello, Jujewb. I'm Hutchy and I'll be helping you through whitelisting.
  • First, I have to ask that you remove the link to the other server from your post, as, while it may have been unintentional, it is still a form of advertisement for another server, which is against one of our forum rules.
  • As for your question about skills, you can find helpful information to help you along here. For now, try to translate your described skills into the format shown in the guide. Otherwise, I’ll try to answer other questions as fully as I can here:
    The skills listed in the guide are guidelines to give examples of the groups, they are not necessarily the only ones for you to choose from. Tinkering is, in most cases, a form of engineering. While it’s not listed, if it’s relevant and realistic and fits with the setting, you can take it as a skill.
    When you’re translating the skills, I ask that you pay special attention to the prerequisites for the skill levels. They are also found in the guide.
  • Next, the setting does not have golems or autonomous artificial/mechanical agents of any kind. These seem to be a large part of the backstory and skills, but the matter of the fact is that they simply do not exist in the setting. You must bear in mind that while this is a fantasy setting, there are some things that cannot be included. This must be revised.
  • Your backstory needs more relation to the setting's lore, which can be found here. There needs to be some relation to the lore to help us see how and why this character fits into the setting. What impact did the Civil War have on his new home, his new family? Does his family bear a grudge because of the slavery?
    At 41 years old, he is easily old enough to have witnessed the Civil Wars, maybe even the Purge. Please elaborate on this.

That's all for now. Bump this thread when you have finished the necessary edits and we can continue.
#3
Bump, hopefully it's a tad better this time around!
#4
Alright, Jujewb. Next round.
  • Since the character is 40 he will have a lot of development to him, but this seems mostly glossed over. To help make this character seem believable and realistic, you need to describe how he develops into the character he is when he arrives at the Forbidden Lands. The most important place would be his childhood, as this is often the age where most of a person’s development takes place.
    At the moment, it seems that little has happened to him before meeting the Tinker, if this is the case you should at least describe what he was like as a child, what he did in this time and, finally, at what age he decided enough was enough and left.
    This is also true for the rest of the bio, you must show how that character’s personality changed to fit his current state and how his skills developed over time.
  • ‘Things turned around for Kardel. After his departure,’ Again, we’ve lost some time here. We need the details of what happened between him leaving and finding the Tinker. How long did it take, what did he have to do to survive? Please elaborate.
  • ‘but projected images’ This gives the impression that this is something straight out of Scooby Doo. Currently, there is no technology, rune based or otherwise, that allows one to project images of beasts or replay beast noises. The best he could do to this end, maybe, is a few wooden cut outs. Please revise.
  • Next big question is just how they are getting the materials to make all these things. A cottage out in the middle of the forest doesn’t really seem like it would have much either through traffic or trade, and they aren’t mentioned to ever leave to a large settlement for supplies.
  • My point about lore relation still applies here. As he is 40, he will have at least beared witness to the Civil War to some extent, if not also the Purge. Lore relation is both essential and required for a character in this setting. When you are addressing the previous point, you might also find an opportunity to satisfy this one.
  • Finally, my point about your skills still applies. You need to translate your skills into the accepted format. For example;
    Hunting - Competent.
    You must do this for all of the characters skills, then I can judge whether they fit and are realistic.

That's all for now. Bump this thread when you have finished the necessary edits and we can continue.
#5
Trashed due to inactivity. Feel free to re-apply.
  


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