09-09-2013, 10:06 PM
Hello there, Kidrocker. I'm Hutchy and I'll be helping you to fix up your application.
That's it for this round. When you have acted on these points bump the thread and we can move onto the next areas of interest.
Don't muck it up.
- My first point is the format of the application. Could you please add your character’s full name and age upon entering the setting somewhere in the biography.
- There isn’t much relation to the lore in this application, even young characters will have seen, or at least heard of, some of the violence that took place during the Civil War. Again, it would help to display the character’s age to help discern just how much they have experienced.
This page will help you with the lore you need to relate your story to.
- The story could do with some segregation in terms of what age Derrick was when one of these events took place. When did his father start teaching him to hunt and farm for example. Please elaborate on this.
- Last for this round, I would recommend a thorough proof read and spelling check. There area a few spelling errors which need to be addressed. In particular 'Lucian', the correct spelling is Lucin.
That's it for this round. When you have acted on these points bump the thread and we can move onto the next areas of interest.
Don't muck it up.