[kidrocker60]

[Michelle]

Thank you for waiting, Kid, and welcome back to Mesalia.

1. Your application requires proofreading. Please revise.
2. Your character's personality requires more detail and depth. Walchelin currently isn't much outside of his friendliness, ability to listen and prejudice against Xitians. People are simply much more complex than this. Please revise and/or elaborate, and keep in mind that your character's backstory must demonstrate the development of this personality.
3. Your character's backstory requires more detail overall. It currently leaves a lot more to be desired, has a lot of gaps, and lacks innovation. Please reconsider, revise and/or elaborate.
4. "...his father, mother and three sisters, provided shelter and care for wounded Mesalians and Lucins during the Civil War." Under what circumstance would a family provide care for those directly affected in war without being directly affected themselves? Please revise and/or elaborate.
5. "Due to unknown reasons, he can often have mood swings." 'Unknown reasons' is not a sufficient justification for mood swings. Be explicit. Please revise.
6. Skill issues:
a) "many things, reading, writing, cooking and all the essentials" Your character's skill set could be more exhaustive. What constitutes as 'the essentials'?
b) I would still recommend you give your character more skills than what you have mentioned. In sixteen years of life, he probably would have found something he enjoyed enough to pursue.

That's all. Good luck.

[Michelle]

Trashed due to 'three days' rule. Feel free to re-apply.