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[Trashed] kidrocker60 application
#1
In Game Name(IGN):
kidrocker60

Why do you want to join?
I've recently got a brand new computer, it runs minecraft great, which the lag has been my only obstacle ever since I started playing at Mesalia. I want to get back into roleplaying and this is simply the best community I've ever been in.

Do you have any RP'ing experience?
I've had two characters here in the past, basically three, I realize to myself now, that they were outright horrible characters overall, Joe, the golem and the other one that I can't remember the name to.

Tell us a bit about yourself:
If you don't know me, my name is Ryan, I am from the United States, I'm 15 years old and enjoying life like any other teenager should.

Your Character Biography:
Derrick was born ten years ago, he was raised by his parents outside of a settlement where he lived with his six other brothers and sisters. Derrick was taught the ways of hunting and farming by his father, since the family tended to rely on themselves for resources. The farm that Derrick was raised on had been in Derrick's family for years, normally, the oldest of the brothers would be left to handle the farm upon death of the father, while the other brothers would be farm-hands and the women you ask? They would leave when they had learned housekeeping skills, this was originated many generations before Derrick. However, years before the birth of Derrick, whom is the youngest of all the brothers, everyone except Derrick's mother and father left the farm and went to live in the nearest settlement, reasons vary, most of which however are that Derrick's father was a tyrant and was a very horrible and dark person while others say it was due to the farm's resources drying up.

The settlement was guarded by the top Lucian forces and had a Lucian war camp inside of it's walls, because of this, the Xitians had attempted for years to claim the settlement for it's rich resources and high population, which could be turned into slaves. After many failed attempts, the Xitians took refuge on Derrick's family's farm. After a few weeks of them being there, Xitians attempted to rape Derrick's mother and sisters, which Derrick's father fought and was ultimately executed. The Xitians continued to execute the remaining members of Derrick's family, Derrick's oldest brother fought back long enough for the youngest to escape, Derrick.

Derrick used hunting tactics to sneak his way away from the farm and into the settlement, he stayed on the streets for days until a poor family inside of the settlement. Derrick stayed quiet while he stayed with the family, almost never spoke to the family. They tried for weeks to get him to talk but he never did.

One night, the Xitians had succesfully got inside of the walls of the settlement, causing havoc in the city and destroying the wonders and killing any Mesalians or Lucians that they could find. Fighting inside the city went on for hours, the Xitians made a final attack late which ended in mass death around the city, with only a few Lucians and Mesalians left alive and the city in ruins. Lucians formed search parties attempting to find and survivors in the ruins.

The Lucians came across the structure that the poor family had lived in, no trace of anyone was found except Derrick. Derrick was found unconscious under a large amount of debris. The Lucians took Derrick to a healing camp. They mended Derrick and other Mesalians and some Lucians attempted to find any of Derrick's family, but there was no sign.

The Lucians felt as if there was nothing to do with the city but abandon it and send the survivors to the forbidden lands. This is where a new life for Derrick began.

Specify your character's skills:
  • Minor Hunting Skills
  • Stealth Tactics (from hunting and escaping the Xitians)
  • Minor Farming Skills

NEGATIVE TRAITS
[*]Depression, post traumatic stress disorder and anxiety disorder all due to the attacks the Xitians made and watching their actions on his mother and witnessing a large amount of his family be murdered.

Do your character bring anything to the setting (part from clothes)?
Please list any personal belongings your character might be bringing to the setting. Note that you will not receive any items in-game to represent them!

No.

Anything you'd like to add:
I'm back.
IG: kidrocker60
#2
Hello there, Kidrocker. I'm Hutchy and I'll be helping you to fix up your application.
  • My first point is the format of the application. Could you please add your character’s full name and age upon entering the setting somewhere in the biography.
  • There isn’t much relation to the lore in this application, even young characters will have seen, or at least heard of, some of the violence that took place during the Civil War. Again, it would help to display the character’s age to help discern just how much they have experienced.
    This page will help you with the lore you need to relate your story to.
  • The story could do with some segregation in terms of what age Derrick was when one of these events took place. When did his father start teaching him to hunt and farm for example. Please elaborate on this.
  • Last for this round, I would recommend a thorough proof read and spelling check. There area a few spelling errors which need to be addressed. In particular 'Lucian', the correct spelling is Lucin.

That's it for this round. When you have acted on these points bump the thread and we can move onto the next areas of interest.

Don't muck it up.
#3
Trashing due to 'Three Day Rule'.

Feel free to reapply.
  


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